Bird lands on Trump's Podium in Texas.
Reported by: Kelly White
Dullass, Texas
Four birds, sparrows according to police sources close to the investigation, have been hospitalized after one of their number broke into a Trump rally secure area and landed on Mr. Trump's podium. After a tense but nearly silent eye to eye confrontation, the bird, (Name not known) was politely yanked backwards by it's neck by Mr. Trump's campaign manager Corey Lewandowski. The bird (Henceforth to be known of as "Bird one") was gently handed off to a squadron of S.S. men who then carefully and courteously forced the sparrow (Bird one) to the ground in proper police procedure style ways.
Unlike the stalwart folks who suffer at the hands of this government and everybody else, the bird was unable to accept the pain of a broken wing allegedly gained as the S.S. men gently forced it's liberal bird ass to the ground, the sparrow started a cowardly, craven and inhuman screeching and peeping. This then angered it's compatriots, other, well, BIRDS, already in the air and flying as though they'd planned the cowardly and typically liberal attack on the rally came in as Mr. Trump bravely hid under the lectern- calmly screaming at his crowd of supporters, jock straps and underwires alike, to "KILL IT, KILL THEM! but don't be violent about it." The other birds then proceeded to drop small bomblets onto the S.S. men and crowd, doing their best to disrupt the rally and keep Bird One from accepting personal responsibility and going to a prison where it DAMN WELL belonged, the little birdsturd! In a diabolical move, having somehow learned that Most Trump supporters can only look up and breathe if their mouths are wide open, the hostile birds deposited many of those tiny bomblets, the nature of which is still unknown, directly into the open pie holes of the brave souls who were rushing forward to help the S.S. hold down the hostile and still violently struggling Bird One. Several Trump supporters are being tested for possible poisoning.
As it stands today after the upwelling of mass ANGER that the avian attack on Mr. Trump. an event that liberals are even now trying to classify as a riot, rose up against birds of any feather trying to limit the people's (Some people's, theirs for the most part.) right to free speech and assembly while engaging in in a rousing good ass kicking with no fear of getting hurt , being outnumbered or even being arrested- Ted Cruz is calling for patrols of Avian neighborhoods and sections of wild and lawless "No go" forests and Mr. Trump has tweeted "I will not be intimidated by #birdsof war!" and "Be careful Bernie, if a bird can land in MY hair, invade my rally, it can invade your rally too!"
The state police said no arrests have been made as the birds flew the coop after their cowardly and brazen attack, but that they are pursuing several investigations into avian criminality and the idea (Likely!) that these were birds from outside of America's poorly defended borders. Jack Stonestupid, Grand Gizzard of the alleged hate group White Muraca! (sic) had this to say in an email sent to this newspaper.
"We's tired of these BIRDS coming here to our nation and SHITTIN on us. I'm not one to call for violence, but I can say, I'ma going duck hunting today, with PLEASURE, I sure hope no illegal sparrows or doves get in the way of my BIRDshot! This nation needs Donald Trump to get grate (sic) again."
Mr. Trump has said he will bravely go to the next rally but, he'd cover the venue in bird netting. "You want to see a net? I'll build the biggest net you've ever seen, and I'll make the BIRDS pay for it.
The hospitalized birds have not been charged.
Dpp