The month of December is a joyous time for many, however, some find it painful. Even amongst those of us who celebrate Christmas and its wonder, it is, at times, bittersweet.
As age is claiming many of our older relatives, my husband and I are finding ourselves rapidly becoming the oldest generation in the family. Each year, more and more loved ones are dying from disease, accidents and old age. I just spent yesterday morning at a funeral for the daughter of one of my cousins. Janet was the same age as our oldest son.
I have long thought of this as my “Sad Season”. We are nearing the middle of the time that our beloved angel, Andrea, lived with us on Earth. While the ten weeks are always difficult for me, I am grateful that we were able to have her home for that one Christmas.
Knowing that, I have a heightened sense of sorrow for those who are facing the prospect of spending the holidays without someone they love. Thankfully, war casualties do not occur pretty much daily as they did during the Bush administration, but they still happen. In fact, I had the sad task of writing an IGTNT tribute for one of our fallen just last week. How awful it is that the young soldier left behind a family! Somehow, his wife and two young sons will have to make it through the holidays while coping with fresh grief.
I hope and pray that all who are mourning right now have someone to reach out to for help when they need it. When our baby died, we were fortunate to have support groups available and people who made sure we knew about them.
Just knowing that The Compassionate Friends were there and willing to help was a comfort. Someone from the National SIDS Foundation came to the funeral with brochures to inform people about what killed Andrea, so we wouldn’t have to. They also gave us a story book to read to our young children so that they might understand too.
When our daughter was having a difficult time coping, a professor of Children’s Literature at the nearby college gave me a list of “Bibliotherapy” books that could be used to help children come to grips with the concepts of death and dying.
Caring for my mother when dementia and old age were taking their toll, was made a bit easier when a person from Hospice called about her advanced directive. Once the listing of her preferences was put into force, I never had to insist that she be allowed to pass on without tubes and drama. When the time came, she went quietly in sleep, just as she had wished.
An online search for “grief during the holidays” brings up many articles, so it is obvious those who are mourning now are not alone with these mixed feelings. One of my favorites is, “64 Tips for Coping with Grief at the Holidays”. I have found that making a donation to a local “Giving Tree” is very satisfying. It helps me to know that some needy child will be enjoying a gift that I would have loved to have given to our little girl.
If anyone reading this is finding life painful right now, please take a moment to share your feelings here. Consider it a safe place. I will be sure to reply.