I’m just frustrated. I’ll lead with that. This story is about life in a world where (almost) everyone is aware of sexual harassment and (almost) everyone knows it is wrong. But what happens when trying to do the right thing is perceived by others as being just as wrong? Confused? Don’t feel bad, I am too.
Here’s the backstory. One of my coworkers has been diagnosed with a life-threatening condition and is undergoing treatment. Though everyone tries to stay positive it’s pretty clear that the long-term prognosis is not good. I have worked with this person for 23 years and I am saddened by this and am doing all I can to support his family and my coworkers. When this news came out many people here were very distraught, there was quite a bit of crying and more hugging than usual, and that’s where my trouble started.
I was talking with a coworker, who is considerably younger than I and female. She was very upset, having known our sick friend almost her entire life. She comes in close to me, clearly planning to hug me and I step back. Not because I did not want to offer comfort but because I was afraid that someone else might interpret this action the wrong way. She was clearly quite hurt by this, which made me feel bad, but I am not going to risk my professional reputation in any way (I work in a school). We did talk about this later and, while she did not agree with my reasoning, I think she did at least see my point.
The part that frustrates me is the reaction of another female coworker. This colleague has been very active with anti-harassment training and has led many meetings regarding microagressions. There have been a multitude of training about what constitutes a microagression, not only using demeaning language or playing off stereotypes but also things like excessive eye contact, forceful handshakes and holding doors open. She was terribly offended by my “cold and unfeeling demeanor” and actually talked to administration about it (without my knowledge). When I asked her why me not wanting to hug someone was offensive to her, when that very action has been labeled a microagression, all she could say was that this interaction was “different”.
That’s why I’m frustrated. I am trying to do that right thing but it seems that sometimes no action can be the right thing. It’s frustrating.