How Do You Grocery Shop? How Would You PREFER to Grocery Shop?
Epicurious.com has identified four types of grocery shopper. Now, before I mock the various types, let me just describe the fantasy world I visualized before reading the article. I’m afflicted with what you might call Champagne Tastes on a Beer Budget, and I hate shopping of all kinds, though I do enjoy cooking and don’t mind cleaning up. So in my perfect world I’d have a maid or a butler who would know my tastes and go out and purchase fresh seasonal organic artisanal foods for me on a daily basis which I would whip up into all kinds of tasty meals. Sounds great, right?
Well, coming back down to earth, we have:
The Weekly Shopper goes to Market Basket or Safeway or Piggly Wiggly or Whole Foods to fill up the fridge for the week. Advantages: Getting it over with at once, lots of brand choices. Disadvantages: Narrow aisles, screaming babies, coupons, paper or plastic, wilted radishes, too many brands of eggs (range free versus pastured?), rogue shopping carts, lugging it all home and putting it all away.
Never shop while hangry
The Europhile Shopper goes to each individual vendor on a daily basis to buy fresh fish here, fresh eggs there, a baguette somewhere else, and radishes that someone just yanked out of the ground and rubbed the dirt off with their sleeve at the corner produce stand. Advantages: Good exercise walking from shop to shop or around the farmer’s market, and we’re talking truly fresh food and a personal relationship with each vendor, who might just tell you what the latest gossip on the chickens whose farm-fresh eggs you’re eating and might just save you the biggest and bestest radishes. Disadvantages: Who wants to have to talk to all those people just to be able to eat, or be accosted by neighbors, every single one of whom will want to tell me all their latest symptoms and ailments because I apparently have that kind of face that says Tell me all about your gall bladder operation one more time. It even happened when I was a kid riding the Greyhound bus to the next town. But I digress.
Get to know your produce personally as well.
The Bulker-Upper goes to CostCo and is willing to drop a thousand dollars (ok, maybe not that much, but you really can’t get out of there for less than $200) to not have to shop more than once a month. Advantages: Free samples, amazing prices. Disadvantages: Well, CostCo freaks me the fuck out every time I’m in there. Bulk foods are terrifying and overspending is rampant. You have to own a freezer to store all the excess food so it doesn’t rot and a really large refrigerator to hold your 50 pound bag of radishes along with a giant pantry space to park your 50-pack of paper towels and five gallon jars of pickles.
Always buy in bulk
The Opt-Out shops online and gets everything delivered, like one of those Blue Apron services we tried. I’ve even noticed our local stores are beginning to add delivery services again, just like the old days when the 12 year old kid (the human kind) would carry a box of food on the back of a bike to your house. (Wipes away a nostalgic tear for something I never actually experienced.) Delivery also available via UPS or soon! drones or driverless cars. Advantages: If you play your cards right you’ll never ever ever have to set foot in a grocery store again. Disadvantages: Incomprehensible menu cards (Blue Apron), broken eggs, drones through your front window, and the dangers of creeping agoraphobia.
Some deliveries may take longer than others.
What do you want to talk about today?
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