This is a goddamn rant. I’m seriously sick and tired of debating what is appropriate touching and behavior with fellow human beings.
How hard is it to keep your goddamn hands to yourself? As a woman, here are all the things I have never had to step back and question myself over…
1. I have never inappropriately touched someone’s ass or side boob while taking a picture or anything else. I’m pretty short but I can lift my hand to be around someone’s waist. If I have accidentally touched someone on the ass or side boob, I have immediately removed my hand and apologized.
What I haven’t done is left my hand there and hope for the best.
2. I have never catcalled anyone. I have thought some pretty dirty things in my head but those thoughts need not be publicized. I can’t imagine a scenario where I would yell out sexual stuff to a perfect stranger.
3. I have never accidentally raped anyone. I have been turned down for sex. It was a bummer. But I didn’t wait around for that person to get drunker and then ask again. Nor did I try pushing the boundaries bit by bit until I got what I want. I have always been able to get affirmative consent before having sex with someone.
4. I have never given weird back-rubs or kisses or hugs. If I’m confused on how to approach someone, I use my big girl words and ask them. Mostly I would shake their hand and if they are comfortable, maybe hug.
5. I have never made weird comments on someones appearance. I have certainly commented on hairstyles and clothing I like. But there is a difference between me saying “Love your shirt” and me saying “Damn that shirt accentuates your body”.
6. I somehow understand that words and behavior and actions I use with family, friends and strangers may differ. I can navigate what boundaries are acceptable to those who I intimately know versus those I may have a casual relationship. I understand that all boundaries are fluid and it’s my responsibility to adjust when they change.
7. I have never shown or sent a picture of my boobs or crotch to someone who has not requested a view. Nor have I brushed any of these parts against someone because I felt like it.
8. If I have ever overstepped those lines or the boundaries change, I can take criticism and direction without feeling defensive or dismissive. I can understand the terms that other people’s bodies are not my property or domain.
9. If my behavior result in more than one person addressing or complaining about some uncomfortable mannerisms, I’m mature enough to reexamine that I AM THE PROBLEM.
10. I understand that all the above was NEVER okay, no matter the era or setting or cultural precedents.
11. I understand that my behavior isn’t just for me. It also serves a model to my children.