I was 24 when I found Daily Kos. I am now 39.
It is time for me to take a break and move on for a time.
Regardless of the outcome of whatever happens with the counts today and over the next few weeks in court, I simply can’t do it anymore.
Last night I suffered a severe panic attack. It is the second severe panic attack I’ve had this year, the first occurring in March when we first locked down. I never had panic attacks before this year. I got myself under control enough to take a melatonin, and then I passed out. When I woke up around 330 I assessed the situation.
Just over 2 years ago, in August of 2018, my ABMN (All-But-Marriage-but-in-Name) dissolved---this was an expected moment as we’d grown apart over the prior 9 years. But a budding relationship also abruptly dissolved at the same time and this was exquisitely painful in a way that I did not expect. I am actually not still 100% from that, but after that tailspin I discovered the self-help book The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck.
The book has been my guide for the last couple years. It isn’t a guide for antipathy and apathy, as the title might suggest. Instead, it’s a guide for picking and choosing where to focus your energy. I cannot do it here anymore for the time being.
This is a TTFN. Ordinarily we all find these to be overdramatic flounces, designed for attention, and garnering much mockery. This will not be that, although if you need to mock, feel free to do so. I’m not angry with any of you. I’m not angry at all. I’m certainly not calm. But I have to go. I would have just left quietly but I’ve been here for over 15 years and it did not seem right to just leave and vanish. I cannot give a timetable on whether I’ll be back or if this really is just TTFN or if it’s a GBCW. I’ve taken quiet breaks in the past but this time, it needs to be a long one, if not permanent.
It really has been an honor and a privilege being a member of Daily Kos, participating and contributing. But, for my sanity, I have to go. Until we meet again, and thank you.
(I will not be participating in the comments.)