I am an atheist. Like an anthropologist in the midst of a primitive tribe, I study the subspecies of humanity known as devout Christian. I listen to Christian radio when I drive (and right wing radio, since they overlap a lot). i can’t quite handle Christian TV, but YouTube offers a stunning variety of video preaching. Stylistically they range from crazed carnival barkers to slightly less crazed carnival barkers. Lately I have been on an election prophecy binge. The next few weeks may overdose me on popcorn.
Evangelicals live in a bubble. One result is that they could not in their wildest dreams imagine that there were people in great numbers who do not love Donald Trump. I won’t get into the irony of the Anti-Christ being their candidate. We have beaten that to death. The subject here is prophecy.
In order to appease their flocks, YouTube preachers and prophets have to tell the flock the stuff the flock wants to hear. It’s a competitive world working for God. The flock did not want to hear that Joe Biden was going to be elected.
Through a combination of social isolation and sales pressure, the video preachers, to a man and woman, went all in for Donald. Up to that point, so what?
Here’s what. It’s a competitive video world for preachers. You can’t be namby-pamby about appealing to the audience. You have to declare yourself a prophet. Not a humble preacher. A PROPHET. Like Howard Beale.
Sometimes the prophets quote God directly. Interestingly, God still speaketh in King James Bible English. He telleth it like it was.
The breathtaking arrogance of anointing yourself as a prophet is impossible for me to comprehend, but there it is and it deserves study. If you claim the title you have to defend it, and the only way to do that is to prophesy. They went forth on beams of electrons and they prophesied across the land for Donald, winning big, winning little, but Donald winning the election. No exceptions. If you were not for Donald, the eyeballs glazed. Your view count and ad revenue plummeted. The result is that now there are hours and hours of video with preachers giving you God’s lock on the election.
Then Mr. Biden secured the presidency and will take the oath next month. The process was drawn out, and for the Christian devout it went from Yay! to Nay! Trump was winning and then over four agonizing days, he lost.
You might think faith would be questioned when God lets the flock down. Or, you might be an adult living in the United States in these times.
As we have heard ad nauseum, Trump has not conceded. Biden is not YET president. A lot can happen. Anyone who says otherwise has no faith.
And it will happen, if the prophets are to be believed. Sure, there were hiccups when the media lied about Biden winning.
Some prophets wavered in the face of these damned data. At least one prophet put out an apology video, because after all, Trump LOST the election. He pulled it hours later after a torrent of scorn from his audience and his fellow prophets, who threatened to yank his membership. Biden is not yet president, dammit, and God has a plan. Everyone cited the passage that includes, “O ye of little faith.”
I am now hooked on the evolution of this particular prophecy. We have an insurmountable fact that Joe Biden won the election. Barring an act of God, Biden will take the oath in January. The question is almost metaphysical. Can God create a fact so insurmountable that He can’t move it?
The prophets didn’t give up. They doubled down. The prophecy moved seamlessly from Trump winning the election with mere votes, to predicting that the votes didn’t matter. An Act of God will propel Trump into a second term. (Under each of these post-facto videos still confidently predicting a Trump win, YouTube has posted a notice that Joe Biden did in fact win the election. This has the same effect on a YouTube Christian as the warning label on a pack of cigarettes has on the nicotine addict.)
There are two tools that God has available to change the result of the fact that Mr. Biden got more votes in both of the ways that we count them. The first and most popular prophecy is that God (or possibly angels) will expose the massive voter fraud conspiracy in which millions of people kept the secret. The second is…
Vague.
You can only predict that a miracle will happen, not how it will happen.
But it will happen, and the latest rock-solid, can’t miss prophecy is that it will happen by Christmas. Not sure if it will be voter fraud or something else, but it will be explosive. Trust me. God would not lie to His prophets like He might lie to everyone else.
As you might expect, devout Christians all over the United States are giddy. First, with relief after weeks of tension. Trump will fulfill his Destiny as God has planned it. The Devil will be defeated and humiliated in public.
Second, they can’t WAIT to rub God’s miraculous Christmas victory in the faces of everyone who voted for the Devil’s Spawn, Joe Biden. They will be celebrating like Christiano Ronaldo after a World Cup goal. The 2020 Christmas miracle will change history.
In a low moment, I commented on a YouTube video, to the effect that if God chose Trump, surely He also chose Joe Biden. Hadn’t God’s displeasure with Trump caused Him to send a plague across the land. Why should believing Christians question God’s motives if He had indeed chosen Joe Biden?
I was told to shut up and wait for the 2020 Christmas miracle.
I don’t pay much attention to Christmas, but this year Advent will be fun. January 21st should be even more entertaining.