Y’all know the tune…
I Am the Very Model Of a Rigged Attorney General
I run the show at Justice where corruption is perennial
I know the tsars of Russia, from Peter down to Vladdy P
I’ve even seen the pee-pee-tape, plus the one they have on me
I’ve very well acquainted with corrupt affairs Ukrainian
And know the whereabouts of all the bodies subterranean
Even though it’s total crap, October hijinks have I planned
And I’m sure the media will bark like seals on my command
(And he’s sure the media will bark like seals on his command
And he’s sure the media will bark like seals on his command
And he’s sure the media will bark like seals on his command)
Who needs fair elections, for the people often get it wrong?
Some people are born to rule, the rest should simply play along
I’m proud to be a pallbearer at this republic’s funeral
I am the very model of a Rigged Attorney General
(He’s proud to be a pallbearer at this republic’s funeral
He is the very model of a Rigged Attorney General)
My title it is “counselor”, although I here will stipulate
That the Italian word for this, in my case is more accurate
I serve the capo, er, the don, with much unfailing loyalty
But since he is an imbecile, a lot of power falls to me
I dream of a society that’s ruled by doctrines biblical
(By that I mean Old Testament, for Jesus was too liberal)
I like to watch The Handmaid’s Tale, to me it is pornography
Though I don’t like the color red, white better signals purity
(He doesn’t like the color red, white better signals purity
He doesn’t like the color red, white better signals purity
He doesn’t like the color red, white better signals purity...)
To rebuild the Christian state has always been my lifelong dream
Even though the boss is more Caligula than Constantine
And this year is our last shot, just because of those Millenials
I am the very model of a Rigged Attorney General
(And this year is their last shot, just because of those Millenials
He is the very model of a Rigged Attorney General)
My motto is l’etat, c’est moi, it’s my legal philosophy
A unitary ‘xecutive, no need for admin policy
Every customs worker, every ranger, every bureaucrat
Is but an organ of the Pres, and must adhere to his diktats
Power separation is archaic and discredited
Centuries of legal customs I’ve revised and edited
I supervise the prosecutors, who need to have this well explained
They are my enforcers which is why they must be potty-trained
(They are his enforcers which is why they must be potty-trained
They are his enforcers which is why they must be potty-trained
They are his enforcers which is why they must be potty-trained...)
And now we stand before the door of the November plebiscite
And Nate Silver tells me that the voters might not get it right
But I’ve got a plan in case of a defeat electoral
I am the very model of a Rigged Attorney General
(But he’s got a plan in case of a defeat electoral
He is the very model of a Rigged Attorney General)