Some common-sense, Republican solutions for abortion (in the spirit of common-sense, Republican “solutions” for the epidemic of gun violence in America):
1. Thinking of having an abortion? You have our thoughts and prayers.
2. Thinking of having an abortion? Your fetus has our thoughts and prayers.
3. Legal prohibitions are not a solution, since some women will have abortions no matter what laws are passed. So no anti-abortion laws should be passed.
4. Women thinking of having an abortion should seek mental health treatment.
4A. But no public funding for mental health treatment is necessary, or appropriate.
5. Abortions are not the problem. Male ejaculate is the problem.
6. The solution for bad women having abortions is more good women having abortions.
7. Make no-restriction abortions available at private clinics, and at traveling abortion shows.
8. Abortions available, on credit, at every participating Wal-Mart, Target, and similar shops, pharmacy chains and health stores nationwide.
9. Concealed, stop-carry (of viable fetuses) without restriction or licensure.
10. Did we think and pray enough? No — more thoughts and prayers.
11. Now is not the time to talk about abortions. We should wait for a more opportune time.
12. Now is not the time to politicize abortions. We need to wait for a more opportune time.
13. Let’s give it some more thoughts. And prayers.
14. The abortion pill is not abortion. It’s pre-abortion abortion prevention.
15. Divorce and evangelical multiple-father-ers are the problem. And video games, too. Somehow.
16. Abortions are not the problem. Men impregnating women are the problem.
17. Law-abiding women should not be punished with abortions laws and restrictions just because other women have had abortions.
18. About time to have thoughts and prayers again.