A lot of Russian oligarchs who might oppose Putin have been dying from unlikely accidents recently, which led my brother to wonder how the next one will go. These were his bets:
Gored to death by escaped rhinoceros
Running with scissors
Didn't look both ways, hit by speeding dirigible
Choked on his own elbow
Tragic potato-peeling accident
Held in a sneeze, head exploded
Spontaneously combusted, bystanders shot him ten times to put out the fire
Washed down his Mentos with Diet Coke
While these are appropriately subtle, I disagreed, because Putin's goons will probably want to be more certain. I think they may combine some of these, as follows:
Gored to death by escaped rhinoceros while running with scissors.
Hit by speeding dirigible while choking on elbow.
Spontaneously combusted while bandaging severed leg from potato peeling accident, shot by bystanders
Head exploded while holding in a sneeze after washing down Mentos with Diet Coke
That last one doesn’t sound entirely unlikely, though. And in case I didn’t mention it before, this post may be characterized as snark, though if any of these actually happen I will remove that tag and deny it was ever there.
How do you think the next Russian oligarchs will expire? Please add your supposition to the comments.