NOTE — This is a super-secret, billionaires only list obtained through dodgy means. Proceed accordingly…
First a note — Three (ex) friends are no longer receiving this message, as their net worth has fallen below three billion dollars. We DO check, and we WILL enforce our rules.
September Member Offers:
- CORPORATE NAMING RIGHTS TO THE GAS TANK OF CLARENCE N’ GINNI’S FUN-TASTIC PREVOST MARATHON LAND YACHT! The winning billionaire agrees to include free fill-ups of this beast for five years from day naming rights are granted. Justice Thomas promises to include 2 (two) mentions of corporation’s generosity to fellow campers at Walmart parking lot camping centers.
- YOUR LOGO ON JUSTICE FREEBIE’S JUDICIAL ROBES! Here your first (but not last, eh, Alito?) opportunity for YOUR benevolent enterprise to adorn the robes of a Supreme Court Justice! Imagine — YOUR corporate logo popping out at readers of the New York Post when the Justices appear on the front page! Bidding starts at two million dollars for one year. Everyone is eligible except hard-core pornographers and sports gambling sites under current federal investigation. (The Justice prefers individual donors) NOTE -If bidding exceeds five billion dollars, Justice Thomas will commence wearing an orange “gimme cap” on the bench with your logo, and we’ll start the bidding process anew.
- BE YOUR GUEST! Justice Thomas and perky better-half Ginni are postiviely AGOG about YOU sending them, this Christmas, to “Billionaire’s Island” better known as Mustique in the West Indies. Thanks to YOU, they’ll be staying at the super-exclusive “Cotton House” and enjoying a $500,000 bottle of 1992 “Screaming Eagle” Cabernet Sauvignon, with a rich and velvety texture with notes of dark berries, cassis, and chocolate. Of course, YOU will provide door-to-private-jet limousine service. (The Justice requests that his favorite Cohiba Behike Cigar be on the plane, lit, with less than a half inch of ash)
Please use your JUSTICEFREEBIE encrypted messaging app for all bids and other communications.
FINAL NOTE — “Justice Freebie” can no longer be hired for toddler birthday parties. (EXCEPTION — St. Tropez, France. For a half million dollars (pre-paid, cash, non-sequential bills) the Justice will provide one hug for your child (NO PHOTOS). He no longer makes balloon animals.