IGTNT means "I Got The News Today" -- written in the voice of military families who just learned that they lost someone.
I was waiting for an arrival at the airport. The flight was delayed, so I was left to pass the time by "people watching." I noticed a woman. The baggage claim was crowded, and there was plenty to see, but she stood out to me particularly. She had a little girl with her. She waited at the base of the escalator along with a gaggle of limo drivers looking for their client pickups, clearly watching for someone to appear. She was so happy in the moment that I thought I'd never seen a stranger look more beautiful. A few minutes later I saw the woman again. This time, a soldier was with her -- big man, powerfully built, wearing fatigues. He held the child like a china doll, as if he thought she would break if he wasn't careful enough. After a moment, he fell to his knees and began to cry.
This man just met his daughter for the first time.
Our military families uniquely bear the brunt our wars. Each day when they sit across from empty seats at dinner, they do not know if their beloved will ever return to fill that chair again. And for some, there will be that knock on the door. That dreadful knock.
When a family receives the news, they are always hungry for information. There is a delay while they wait for the lost one to be returned to them, and the wait seems to last forever. Human nature being what it is, many family members Google the name of their deceased. And they find the IGTNT diaries on Daily Kos. For some families, it is the first time they have ever heard of DKos.
About two days after the official posting of a death of a service member, the IGTNT team researches what they can learn about the deceased and posts an IGTNT diary. The families are able to find something comforting to read while they wait. When the families search the internet for the name of a lost son, daughter or spouse, IGTNT is among the top hits on the list.
A personal email, with permission:
Early on, a technician at VA overheard me talking about IGTNT, broke down crying, & ran out of the room. The tech working on me excused herself to see after the one who left the room. When she returned, this is what she told me:
The other tech had been at her aunt's home that weekend. They were awaiting the body of her cousin who was killed in Iraq. Her aunt was inconsolable and kept crying, "Doesn't anybody know? Don't they care?" The tech, in trying to answer that question, got on the internet, typed in his name, and IGTNT popped up. She read through the diary and some of the comments before she called her aunt to come and see what she had found. Pretty soon the whole family was reading. The tech found a poem [there were several, so I don't know which one] which she read at the funeral. I answered the question, "Doesn't anybody know, doesn't anybody care?", with "Yes, ma'am, we do - Very much." That was the first encounter I had with a family member and I will never forget it.
IGTNT members regularly receive email from bereaved family members who say that they've taken the poems, music, and wishes left in the IGTNT diaries and comments threads and used them in the memorial service.
A friend of ours found your tribute to my son. We were still waiting for his body to come home when he found it and we read it. You left your e-mail address so somebody else could contact you.
Everybody was so nice and a writer of the story really captured a little bit about our son. It was really nice. But later on we read something written by Mr. Stagger Lee. It really got to me and the wife.
We showed it to our minister. He used Mr. Stagger Lee's comment in his speech at our son's funeral. I want to thank him for what he wrote, but I don't want name myself on the internet. Let him know that it could have come from a lot of different people. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.
Sometimes the families are dubious at first.
It was in August in the middle of the campaigns. The cousin to one of the Fallen in an e-mail told me that she sent her Aunt an e-mail with a link to his tribute. The Mother of the kid is an extremely conservative locally-elected Republican.
In her grief, she called me after an e-mail or two. She thought that none of what we wrote was real, that we were shallow poseurs, and that we really didn't care. Frantically, I went looking for your diaries. This one converted her. She knows everyone here cares. But she is keeping an eye on us.
i dunno started this series, and it has been maintained by Sandy on Signal, monkeybiz, noweasels, greenies, blue jersey mom, Chacounne, twilight falling, joyful, roses, SisTwo, SpamNunn, a girl in MI, JeNoCo, and MediaProf. i dunno's first IGTNT diary is here, with a follow up diary here. Since then, this team has left no American active duty service member forgotten. This effort to honor our lost troops does not go unnoticed, and IGTNT appears on many military blogrolls. Families of the fallen, even the ones who do not agree with progressive politics, often go back and reread these diaries to find comfort.
Paraphrasing at her request:
Please thank the wives of [Spc. Israel Candelaria] Mejias and [Airman Staff Sgt.] Phillip Myers for allowing their husbands to be welcomed home at Dover by everyone. I wish I had been [given] the same opportunity. And thank everyone who writes the tributes and makes comments. Some nights I just sit here for hours and re-read their stories going way back.
Some of the military families find it surprising that a progressive website devotes such an effort to honor the soldiers and sailors who die in our wars. Such misunderstandings about IGTNT can come from all directions, but most of the unfounded assumptions about this wonderful team get put to rest when people read the body of work they created. One Gold Star mother said that she couldn't believe people with our political views would care about her loss at all.
Recently, the mother of one of the Fallen called. I cannot imagine anyone more politically conservative than she is, nor could she. After she read the tribute she said that she never knew people with my views cared. She, too, now reads here occasionally and she is thankful for IGTNT.
Everyone comes to IGTNT with unique political and moral views about our current wars. We have a number of peaceniks and human rights activists at Daily Kos, and that isn't limited to the group that writes IGTNT. Please know that no one at IGTNT forgets the grief that the people in Iraq and Afghanistan bear. But we don't have to choose one side. Honoring our fallen and the people who love them is not the same thing as forgetting the civilians who suffer so much.
Come by the next IGTNT and leave a supportive comment if you wish. It will mean the world to someone who just got the news. They want to know people acknowledge that their loved one's life mattered. They want to know that common folks care about their grief. When you do offer a comment, though, please do so as if are walking up to a soldier's widow at his funeral and paying your respects to her. IGTNT is a virtual memorial service, but it gives real comfort to real people -- people who will suffer this loss for the rest of their lives. There are plenty of appropriate places on Daily Kos to rail against the moral failures of our wars, but please do not do it in the face of a family who just lost a loved one as a result. They are already aware of the cost.
A note from Otteray Scribe:
Some have expressed their feelings in rude and coarse language. I advise those who do, to remember there is a high probability that your comment will be read by children, and in some cases, grandchildren. I ask those who do not seem to see anything wrong with a rant of four letter words if you would have been willing to walk up to my young grandchildren and daughters with that kind of comment when we buried our own son and brother. There are comments in some of the IGTNT diaries to that effect, and some do not seem to understand, or want to understand, that the families DO Google the names of a loved one, and those comments will be read by families who are torn by grief. If you have an overwhelming urge to make rude or disparaging comments about dead soldiers or sailors, please take your comments somewhere else besides the IGTNT diaries. We are better than Fred Phelps and his ilk.
A commenter a few days ago expressed extreme skepticism about families "rushing to DKos" to read what we have to say. One might be very surprised to learn families do just that, thanks to Google. I can say on authority, that when you get the news, you are hungry for any tidbit of information or news that might answer any questions. While the IGTNT diaries might not offer news, it is a version of that memorial book at the funeral home for people to leave notes of sympathy and condolences. Even now, almost every funeral home has a virtual book on their web page so that comments can be left by friends, family and others for the family. Please treat the IGTNT diaries with the same respect you would if you were leaving a comment on the funeral home web page.
Recently, I was driving to work when I met a funeral procession. Led by two police cars, a hearse was followed by a procession of cars, headlights on, all with blue funeral flags clipped onto the auto roofs. I pulled over as far as I could and stopped, along with two or three other cars ahead of me. A pickup truck pulled up to my back bumper and the driver laid onto the horn. I could see him in the rear view mirror shaking his fist at me, continuing to blow his horn. I did not budge, nor did the other cars that had pulled over. When the procession passed, only then did we proceed down the street. Those who post disruptive messages in IGTNT diaries show the same disrespect for the deceased and survivors as the driver of that pickup truck. We cannot give hide ratings to motorists, much as we might like to, but rude and off topic comments can and should be hidden.
My thanks to Otteray Scribe and llbear -- this was co-written by the three of us. -rb