Those who have read my previous Diaries already know that I am English. I moved here in 2005, having met, and subsequently married, a wonderful woman I met in an on-line support forum.
Some of my better Diaries have discussed conversations we have had, and how she has changed over the years.
Change is possible. More than that, change is inevitable. America will move further towards Social Democracy, and ultimately reject the Right, because we are right. It takes a long time, too long for some, but we will change and the last five years with Mrs Twigg is a small taste of how change will happen.
...
Mrs Twigg was born and raised in a small town in Oklahoma. We still live in "small town" Oklahoma, but a different town. She was raised Methodist, and many of her family are committed Southern Baptists. Mrs Twigg believes in God, but does not, any more, believe in God's Organisers on Earth.
For her whole adult life she has been a registered Republican, and voted straight ticket without ever having to give it much thought. I mean, what was to think about? Liberals were the enemies of her way of life. She may have wondered about some GOP (and Church) attitudes, but her world was protected from those who would destroy America. Her parents said so, her Pastor confirmed it, and her school teachers forgot to teach her to think for herself.
Fortunately, as we will see, she learned that anyway :)
In many ways, it must have been profoundly shocking to her when she met me, a European, Atheist and deeply committed to Progressive ideals and policies. This was a foreign language in more ways that one. I have a cute accent, and I guess that helped :)
It started small. We would drive around Tulsa and I would count the churches. An amusing, but odd pastime to a woman who had never questioned such things. Then I would ask her when driving around some of the poorer neighbourhoods, why the only buildings with decent roofs were the churches? When the local housing was in disrepair, the church not only had a new roof, but a folded metal roof that costs about four times the price of shingles. I mean ... couldn't they have used shingles on the church, and spent the savings repairing the roofs of some parishioners?
There were many other straws in the wind of our conversations, but questions like this, just asked out of curiosity were the start. In reality, I was learning too. I was new here, and America is not the UK. The UK and the US does have a closeness, but it's misleading and I was keen to learn. I was, and am, mindful of the old adage "Britain and America are two countries separated by a common language". In many respects there is very little about life here that reminds me of life back home. So criticism was out, and questioning helped me understand. As a little aside, by the way, Europeans, generally, have no concept of, or understanding of, life and attitudes in the USA, even though we think we do.
At the time this all was happening, Mrs Twigg changed from being a stay-at- home Mom, to a High School Teacher in Special Ed. So it was a busy time.
As our conversations meandered, and time moved along, there was a change. My wife began to ask the questions. She said that I was the first person she had ever met who challenges "those truths we hold to be self-evident", at least from her perspective and upbringing. She was curious, and sometimes it was hard to talk without one or the other becoming upset. This wasn't, for her, a new cake recipe, it was a new life and philosophy on living. Sometimes I was frustrated, often she groped desperately to understand, but we love each other, and we made progress together.
It is useful for us both to remember that, whatever our nationalities, and social or political backgrounds, in the end we all want pretty much the same thing. We want to be safe, we want to be happy. We want to raise our kids, put them through college and live long enough to enjoy the fruits of our efforts; and we would like our kids to improve on that.
Whether we are English or American, French German, Israeli, Palestinian , Black, Whites or Native American. None of that matters, the bulk of our populations, the workers, the middle classes, the wealth creators and builders .... We all want pretty much the same thing. And that is such a fundamental truth that, as I chat with my wife we always have the basic principles to rely on, to keep us grounded.
It also helped her to start questioning those who apparently want something different. That small band of men and women who do not seek to futher the ambitions of the people, but work to serve only the interests of a much smaller group of self-interest.
In Oklahoma, as in other places, you don't have to look very far, or very deeply to find examples. Find them she did. She found them in politicians, in Pastors, in schools and in our neighbourhood. SHe found them in her family.
Mrs Twigg recently changed her Party Affiliation to "Democratic Party". She voted straight ticket Dem last go around, and I drove her to the Poll, as I had driven her to previous Polls where I knew she would vote "Republican". I drove her with equal enthusiasm all times .... because it is her right to vote her conscience, and my job to support her.
But I have to tell you, the last drive was the happiest. Made all the sweeter by meeting the attorney who had handled her divorce when we went to the local Dem Campaign Office to collect our Obama/Biden yard signs :)
Even here .... even in Tulsa change happens. If my wife and I have learned anything it is that change can happen. It may not be fast, and there are setbacks along the way, but if people are exposed to real ideas, real solutions and can see real benefits then they will not go back. Once you effect this kind of change it does not flip at the next election cycle. Mrs Twigg is a Democrat now, and she will be for life. She will always uphold Democratic ideals, and will forever support the Party that reflects them.
I have learned that communication is the be all and end all of politics (well, that and having the right ideas). Talking to the other side, listening to them and addressing their concerns is the route to progress. Nothing else even comes close.
My wife is sad that her family will not listen. She adores her Granny, who remembers the town when it was segregated. She worships her Dad, who is a smart and compassionate guy who, deep down, still believes that Brown v. Board of Education was the end of Public Schools .... But she really does seem happier, and more assured than she was five years ago.
And that fills me with hope.
UPDATE: Mrs Twigg is on the Recc. List ... Thank you Kossaks. In the last few years I have found that while folk enjoy "reflective" Diaries, they aren't usually "of the moment" sufficiently to hit the Recc. Diary List. I am grateful that so many enjoyed our story.