On the 828th day of his presidency, Barack Obama finally whipped it out — "it" being his [purported] long-form birth certificate.
Within minutes of the document's release, carnival barker Donald Trump was proudly declaring himself King of the World.
Meanwhile, leading members of the birther movement began performing pseudo-forensic analysis, and quickly determined that the document is a forgery.
Their best piece of evidence is the fact that Obama isn't classified as a "negro", even though he clearly is one.
...
Can't we all just move along?
Morning lineup:
Meet the Press: NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg (I); Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell (R); Former White House Senior Adviser David Axelrod; Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL); WHCA Dinner Host Seth Meyers.
Face the Nation: Sen. John McCain (R-AZ); Alabama Gov. Robert Bentley (R); Roundtable: Michael Gerson (Washington Post) and Georgetown University Professor Michael Eric Dyson.
This Week: Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI); Roundtable: George Will (ABC News), Arianna Huffington (Huffington Post), Former Reagan Budget Director David Stockman and Chrystia Freeland (Thomson-Reuters).
Fox News Sunday: Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN); Sen. Kent Conrad (D-ND); Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC); Roundtable: Brit Hume (Fox News), Nina Easton (Fortune), Bill Kristol (Weekly Standard) and Juan Williams (Fox News).
State of the Union: Sen. John Barrasso (R-WY); Rep. Chris Van Hollen (D-MD); Former National Security Adviser Stephen Hadley; Former Rep. Jane Harman (D-CA); Sen. Michael Bennet (D-CO); Sen. Lamar Alexander (R-TN); Larry King (Formerly of CNN); Reliable Sources: Emily Bell (Guardian); Matt Frei (BBC); Ari Melber (Nation); Nia-Malika Henderson (Washington Post); Chip Reid (CBS News); Terence Smith (Formerly of PBS); Connie Chung (Formerly of CBS News).
The Chris Matthews Show: Howard Fineman (Huffington Post); Kelly O'Donnell (NBC News); Gloria Borger (CNN); Clarence Page (Chicago Tribune).
Fareed Zakaria GPS: Martin Indyk (Brookings Institute); Ayman Mohyeldin (Al Jazeera); Eliot Abrams (Council on Foreign Relations); London School of Economics Professor Fawaz Gerges; Malcolm Gladwell (New Yorker).
Evening lineup:
60 Minutes will feature: an interview with CBS News reporter Lara Logan in which she discusses the sexual assault she suffered while covering the protests in Cairo (preview); an interview with New Orleans Mayor Mitch Landrieu (preview); and, a report on the nearly undefeated thoroughbred Zenyatta (preview).
On Comedy Central:
Jon Stewart reported on the White House's "bombshell" disclosure that President Obama wasn't born in Kenya.
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The Daily Show
Monday: Political Advisor, Lawyer & Author Phillip K. Howard
Tuesday: Rachel Maddow (MSNBC)
Wednesday: Evangelical Christian Minister & Author David Barton
Thursday: TBA
And Stephen Colbert one-upped Donald Trump by demanding to see the president's elementary school report cards.
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The Colbert Report
Monday: Author Francis Fukuyama
Tuesday: Author Rex Ryan
Wednesday: Author Amy Farrell
Thursday: Author Bill James
Elsewhere:
Having epically failed in the free market, the producer of "Atlas Shrugged: Part 1" took personal responsibility for putting out a terrible product. Just kidding... he blamed the critics.
Though the film has made only $3.1 million so far, Aglialoro said he believes he'll recoup his investment after TV, DVD and other ancillary rights are sold. But he is backing off an earlier strategy to expand "Atlas" to 1,000 screens and reconsidering his plans to start production on a second film this fall.
"Why should I put up all of that money if the critics are coming in like lemmings?" said Aglialoro, who is chief executive of the exercise equipment manufacturer Cybex. "I'll make my money back and I'll make a profit, but do I wanna go and do two? Maybe I just wanna see my grandkids and go on strike."
And in other monetary news:
Rep. Danny Rehberg (R-MT) – the 23rd richest member of Congress with a reported net worth of between $6,598,014 and $56,244,998 – pleaded poverty at a town hall event this week.
REHBERG: I’m a small businessman. My wife is a small businessman. She hasn’t taken a salary in ten years as a result of business. We’re struggling like everyone else. With the economy.
CONSTITUENT: What’s your salary?
REHBERG: I’m land-rich and cash-poor. Like ranchers and farmers and small businessmen throughout Montana. [...]
Meanwhile:
Tea Party darling Rep. Allen West (R-FL) laid out his plan for cutting the deficit.
WEST: We need you to come in and lock shields, and strengthen up the men who are going to the fight for you. To let these other women know on the other side — these planned Parenthood women, the Code Pink women, and all of these women that have been neutering American men and bringing us to the point of this incredible weakness — to let them know that we are not going to have our men become subservient. That’s what we need you to do. Because if you don’t, then the debt will continue to grow…deficits will continue to grow.
That's some authentic frontier gibberish.
- Trix