It's late, and I have been doing some thinking. Soul searching? Maybe, it's hard to be sure but there is something that has been on my mind for a few weeks and I want to share it.
I write this Diary not as a way to "expunge" any wrong doing on my part. I seek neither absolution or redemption, but I do want to find a way to help various minority groups understand where I come from ... Me, a white, middle class male who brings all his upbringing and, more importantly, intellect, to the party.
It's a lofty ambition but if there are any others who recognise anything of themselves in this, then maybe we can get a bit closer to breaking down a few barriers.
A few weeks ago I commented in one of the Late Night Black Kos Diaries. I won't bother linking it because it, of itself, was a nothing comment. Just one post amid many thousands of others in the swirling Universe of the Blogosphere.
What was important to me was that shortly after I dispensed my "pearls of wisdom" I realised something ....
In all the years I have been visiting this place, it was the first time I had commented in a Black Kos Diary.
I was shocked, shocked I tell ya!
It may simply be that none of those hundreds of Diaries interested me, or were relevant to things I generally feel strongly about, or, or, or ... Then I realised that there were other Diaries that I generally passed by. It's not conscious, not planned. I don't have a list in my head of sections of society that I should ignore, pretend don't exist. I am inclusive, or I like to think I am. I just don't appear to have been inclusive enough.
So if, in the last six years you have written a Diary about Israel, or Palestine, or Gay, Lesbian or Transgender issues, then your works have not been troubled by my offerings. I have always been happy to add comments when those matters have cropped up in other Diaries.
Well that is my loss. I am the poorer for my narrow, selective vision, and I plan on doing better. I was brought up better than that and, at heart, I am.
It has crossed my mind that the reason that only four percent or so of Kossacks are Black, that this place is under represented in Hispanics, Women and the Gay community is actually my fault. Sure that is a crushing load. A weight to bear that even my relatively strong frame couldn't handle on my own, at the very least it would bring me to my knees.
Fortunately for me, and less fortunately for the quality of debate, is the fact that I am not alone. The burden of a failure to include is not just being carried by me, thousands of others are helping to do the heavy lifting. But I am not here to accuse, merely to own my share, put down my part in the divisions, and tell the rest that you will have to carry the weight without me, I quit.
It matters that I try to explain where I think the fault lies.
For me it is not about racism, or sexism, or homophobia or any of those things. They are subjects I have Diaried about previously, and are no part of who I am. That said, while I may not be racist, I am "prejudiced". Prejudice is part of all of us. We simply "pre-judge" situations, and we do this based on our upbringing, our backgrounds and our individual circumstances. It's not our prejudices that are important, what matters is that we recognise them and deal with them appropriately. Often times this can be difficult, because our prejudices are not part of our conscious thinking, they are part of our make-up, and they act upon us all in a subconscious way.
Forewarned, as they say, is forearmed, and if we can accept that we are influenced by more than simply our conscious thoughts, we are better positioned to guard against that in daily life.
The gratifying part of this is that prejudice breaks really easily. All you really have to do is make a start, because once one does that then the prejudices simply vanish to be replaced by something a whole lot more healthy. And if thousands of us do it, then suddenly this place is much more welcoming, vastly more inclusive than it has ever managed to be.
So why did twigg have a sudden epiphany? What causes a fifty-something guy to stand on his head, do a quick cartwheel and see the light? I'd like to admit that a decent blend of hashish, or some long forgotten LSD helped, but it didn't. It actually was much more simple than that.
Recently the Rescue Rangers graciously allowed me to join their ranks. I mention this because it is important to me and is no big secret. That little Lifebelt is there to see on all of our Profile Pages. After some severe bullying by the wonderful Got a Grip I was turned loose on other people's Diaries.
Suddenly, and almost out of the blue, I was in a position where ignoring a Diary wasn't an option. I had, during certain periods, to read them all.
What a liberating experience that has proven to be.
From regular reader of the Diaries I chose to click on, from regular commenter only in places I chose to be, and occasional Diarist, I was now in a position of visiting the site with a purpose that was beyond my own, selective, whims. So I started to read the Black Kos Diaries, the I/P Diaries, the Pie and the Troll Diaries; I am even growing to love the damned Pooties!
What is more, MY Daily Kos has grown into a much broader, and much more peaceful place that it ever was before. For example, I am sure elfling could tell you exactly when I last clicked on the Hidden Comments, a place I used to visit often, but I can't. I can't remember because I am too busy, and there is way too much that is interesting to be bothered going to look at all the stuff that isn't ... interesting that is.
I know that there are imperfections. I understand that intolerance and angst still exist, but they play a much smaller role, have less of a footprint in my time here tha ever before. Further and better is that I read Diaries that I might have over-looked before not only because I have to, but because I want and choose to.
I recognise, and always have, my white, male, heterosexual privilege. What has changed is that I am now able to say to our contributors from all the multiplicity of minorities, that you have one less hurdle to climb. One less barrier, however unconscious, to overcome in the effort to have your message read, and your Rights established.
I hope that the many that preceded me will be followed by many others, and that the day arrives soon when no longer is the term "white privilege" used, or needed to be used around here, because we defeated it.
UPDATE: Many thanks for the Tips and Recs, and many more for the heartfelt and carefully considered comments. A Diary like this is always tough to write as the opportunity exists for those who seek to disrupt. You all have my gratitude that this didn't happen.
On a personal note I wish to extend my gratitude to Deoliver47. She found this Diary soon after it was published, and has "ridden shotgun" on the comments both with me and for me. No one asked her to do that, and I am grateful for her contribution here.