I've just come back from spending a wonderful weekend with my mother, who gave life to me nearly thirty years ago, and my grandmother who raised ten children in a small Texas border town. The weekend was full of laughter, cheeriness, and story-telling with my mom and grandmother. There was one person I missed terribly that wasn't there with us all on Mother's Day. My great-grandmother, Mane.
In the photo to the right you see, she was voted The Most Beautiful Eyes in high school, and it showed in her dark obsidian eyes that glittered with laughter and mirth. She used to shake her head over the award, telling me that she thought her sister, Connie, was the one who had the most beautiful green eyes. I met with her sister, Tia Connie, this weekend at a 90th birthday party for Mane's sister, Gloria. They were all gathered around the table, brothers and sisters, all sharing the strong Raymond features, beautiful cheekbones and beautiful eyes.
They missed Mane so much, and Tia Gloria thanked me for coming, saying that Mane would've appreciated it so much. Tia Gloria gave me a hug, and for a minute there, I felt like I was holding my great-grandmother, Mane. They both had the same shape, similar bone structure, and their hands were so much alike. I held back tears, and only smiled instead.
Mane was a wonderful great-grandmother, and a mother to her siblings. My grandmother told me that she remembered living in that small adobe home that my great-grandfather had made for her and Mane in Mexico as an only child. Then came the sad news---Mane's mother, Santos, was dying of cancer, and Mane, Mami, and Pane left their home in Mexico to help take care of Santos and the rest of Mane's siblings. She took the place of their mother, and helped care for her. She held her mother in her arms as she passed.
Years went by, my grandmother married a doctor named Dr. Joaquin Cigarroa, at the age of sixteen. The eldest was born, then my mom was born, and eight other children were born. My great-grandmother loved them all, and as my great-grandfather's health took a turn for the worse when he got a stroke in 1978, she decided to move next door to my grandmother so my great-grandfather could be close to Mami. Then Pane passed away when I was two years old, and the distance between their houses, connected by a carport, grew shorter. Mane came over every day to visit Mami for breakfast and lunch. Mami would regale us all with her stories, and we'd listen to them, eating our breakfast tortillas and drinking coffee all around the table.
The years went on by with Mane visiting my mother, two brothers, and I for long periods of time, to help take care of us while Mom studied law. I loved those visits with my great-grandmother. She'd play Scrabble with me, watch telenovelas with Mom when she took a break from her studies, and Mane would make picadillo with her delicious Mexican rice for dinner. I felt safe and happy with my great-grandmother around, and I preferred having her look after us instead of the babysitters my mom hired when she'd take exams.
Whenever she visited, I noticed my mother would visibly relax. She didn't feel as stressed out. Like me, she felt safe and happy with her grandmother. We'd laugh and joke. I started drinking coffee at ten years old so I could join in their coffee-drinking ritual to laugh and joke with them. Mane told me I'd be short like her. I told her I didn't care what height I was as long I'd get to be like Mane. She beamed at that.
Mane always made it for every event that was important to us---school events, dances, graduations, and that one summer in 2005, when my two brothers and I graduated, was the happiest summer of Mane's life. She was so proud seeing my little brother graduate from high school, me graduate from college, and my older brother graduate from law school that same summer. She drove with my mom from New York City where my little brother graduated, to Northampton, where I graduated, and then to Boston, where my older brother graduated. Mane racked up a lot of miles that summer. She didn't care if her bones were hurting her---nothing would stop her from seeing us all graduate that summer.
She passed away two years after my graduation from college. She had cancer in which we discovered a tumor that had been in her for almost twenty-two years had turned malignant. It was painful for Mane recovering from the surgery, but she was almost on the mend when complications overtook her. That's when hospice came in, and helped ease my great-grandmother's pain. In those final weeks, we visited her as much as we could, and one night, the entire family was in her bedroom, the Cigarroas and the Raymonds.
All of my cousins were there, so were my aunts and uncles. About forty-nine people were in the room, laughing, joking, and Mane's beautiful black eyes sparkled as she watched us enjoy being with her. Then my older brother, who was an accomplished pianist in state championships in high school, went downstairs to play the piano. We opened the windows so Mane could hear him play. She was quiet, and tears slipped from her eyes as she listened to him play. She'd been to all of his piano recitals and to his high school state championships.
Even up to the day she passed away, Mane was surrounded by love, life, and laughter. She was intensely cared for, and well-loved. That day on July 10th, 2007, a beautiful sunrise came up, and Mane was looking out the window. My grandmother was holding her in bed, and Mane told her how beautiful the sun was and how the flowers shone, and closed her eyes for a final time. She was ninety-one years old.
In her home and accompanied by her beloved daughter, her grandchildren, her great-grandchildren, in joyful expectation of a great-great grandson, Teresa Raymond Flores departed this life on Tuesday, July 10, 2007. A woman of extraordinary strength, wisdom, and faith, Teresa Raymond was born in Laredo, Texas on January 19th, 1916, the oldest child of Judge Manuel J. Raymond and Santos Zapata Raymond. A graduate of St. Augustine High School, she was married on January 9th, 1935 to Emeterio Flores, Jr. Both members of large and closely-knit families, Teresa and Emeterio Flores welcomed the birth of their only child, Barbara Judith, on December 4, 1936, making their home in Zacatecas where Emeterio was engaged as a mining engineer. Responding to the illness of her mother, Santos Raymond, Teresa and Emeterio returned from their life in Zacatecas to make their home in Laredo, Texas.
Following the early death of Santos Raymond, Teresa assumed the responsibility for rearing her seven younger brothers and sisters, for whom "Titi" became the stable and loving presence in the lives of the young Raymonds. Even as her own and her extended family continued to grow, the annual New Year's Eve parties in her home reminded the Raymond and Cigarroa clans of the importance of roots, of origins, and of love. In recent years, Teresa and her surviving sisters, Consuelo, Gloria, and Chabela enjoyed reflecting together upon their lives and their families during frequent afternoon meriendas.
Perhaps because she was a person of great and unswerving faith, perhaps because as oldest child she was called upon to assume at a young age the role of mother for her siblings, Teresa Raymond Flores developed a rare combination of strengths not often found united in one life. On the one hand, she was a woman of great inner resources, independent and endlessly engaged in her home, her garden, her kitchen. She played the piano and all her life enjoyed great music. She was a highly accomplished seamstress, making for each of her granddaughters an exquisite quilt in the famed and complex "cathedral" pattern.
But as prominent as her independence and her joy in pursuing her own interests was her eagerness to engage those around her, her willingness to dedicate whatever time and energy necessary to care for her large family. Her famous license plate, Mane 10, proclaimed her devotion to her grandchildren and their children. Her spirit was one of high adventure, and she delighted in accompanying her grandchildren and great-grandchildren on trips throughout this country and abroad. She was always the first to welcome every opportunity for fresh thinking and new growth, always eager to attend another recital, another performance, another graduation.
Perhaps most remarkable, Teresa Raymond Flores possessed the rare gift of charity toward those she met and toward our human lot. Her good humor allowed her to enjoy to the fullest all the foibles and twists of the human experience without either condemning weaknesses or excusing failings. Her laugh, her embrace, her warmth, and her continued assurances of love buoyed up and sustained her family, now grateful for the example she leaves of what a full life should be. Each of Teresa Raymond Flores's grandchildren and great-grandchildren treasures that part of his or her life most deeply touched and made possible by "Mane."
I miss you, Mane. Thank you so much for being my great-grandmother, and helping me make into the woman I am today. I hope to be like you, Mane, when I grow up to be a grandmother and a great-grandmother, God willing.