Let me say this first. I am a transsexual woman. I am married, have two beautiful children and am a high school teacher. I have been in transition for the last 18 months and am on the verge of living as myself all the time. Aside from work, I already do and in the next year, I am going to attempt to keep my position as a professional educator even as I change my name and undergo surgery to correct the last bits that need correcting.
Over the last year or so, I've been slowly coming out to my friends, family and others not associated with my job. I've even come out to a few folks at work, and they all support me even as they complain that I could lose my job because of this.
You see, the problem is that I am a teacher in Arizona, which has no laws preventing my public employer from firing me on the basis of my gender identity. My district claims that they have an inclusive non-discrimination policy and have informed me through anonymous communications I have had with them that this policy covers trans employees. I have even heard that there are trans teachers in my district, but I do not know any because generally post-operative transwomen tend to not broadcast their history.
And I understand this, I really do. There is a part of me that sees the benefits of living a kind of stealth existence. After all, my goal is to live as a woman and be recognized as such and not be seen as a transwoman for the rest of my days. On the other hand, I am an educator and I believe in the power of positive role models. I also know that should I be able to remain in my current assignment, there is little possibility of people not knowing and it would only be my hope that I didn't become newsworthy (the subject I teach presents some...difficulties...for parents put off by what they may or may not view as a lifestyle choice).
And let me say this. I did not choose to transition. If I had a choice, it would not be this life, trust me. This is something I need to do, not something I want to do.
For a lot of people, this is difficult to grasp. Strangely, the longer people have known me, the less able they are to accept it. Mainly, I think, because they have an easy idea of who I was and that I am no longer that person shakes up what they believe to be true. As liberal as they are or as caring as they are, they cannot quite grasp that this person they thought they knew is not quite as they believed me to be.
So coming out has been an exercise in patience and growing a thick skin. I have to accept that people will not simply accept me. And, accepting this, I am more nervous about my ability to continue in my job. It is not that I believe there will be widespread disapproval. Far from it. I have come to know that most people really don't care. The problem is the few who choose to see me as the Other they have been taught to fear. And, worse, that as the Other that is in close contact with their children, they are especially afraid that simply by being in my proximity, I may somehow teach their kids to be like me or, worse, use the women's restroom.
But as I said, I have no choice.
But I do have a choice about how I will live. I can give up my career and hope that other opportunities that I have been working towards bear fruit. I can slip into the crowd. Or I can live as myself, trying to do the things I have trained myself to do, that I love doing, even if it means my trans history is a known quantity. And this does not mean living out loud and proud so much as it means living authentically. I have children and I will never deny my part in their creation or upbringing, even as they call me something other than Daddy. I have a lot of life I have lived and lived, in a lot of it, as well as I could have imagined. I have no interest in throwing that away or denying it.
In owning the whole of my life, I cannot deny any part of it. I am a woman, but I have lived as a man for a good long while. I don't believe I am someone to be feared or reviled and I do believe I deserve the same basic rights that any other woman has, including the right to work in my chosen profession and the right to accommodations and proper health care.
And these are rights I will fight for and speak out for, because to do otherwise is to live in fear and I have had my fill of that.