As some of you surely already know, Newt Gingrich is running for President. However, he's having a tough going in his first week of official campaign mode. First he had to answer charges of racism in calling President Obama a "Food Stamps President," then he started flipping and flopping about his position on the Ryan Budget, got showered in glitter, and then had to explain owing more than $250,000 to Tiffany's.
Yesterday, Gingrich and the brain trust within his campaign released one of the most insane press release's in the history of American politics (and that's not an exaggeration). In honor of just how "cuckoo for cocoa-puffs" the statement is, there is now a dramatic reading that does it justice.
From "The Colbert Report":
"The literati sent out their minions to do their bidding. Washington cannot tolerate threats from outsiders who might disrupt their comfortable world. The firefight started when the cowardly sensed weakness. They fired timidly at first, then the sheep not wanting to be dropped from the establishment's cocktail party invite list unloaded their entire clip, firing without taking aim their distortions and falsehoods. Now they are left exposed by their bylines and handles. But surely they had killed him off. This is the way it always worked. A lesser person could not have survived the first few minutes of the onslaught. But out of the billowing smoke and dust of tweets and trivia emerged... Gingrich, once again ready to lead those who won't be intimated by the political elite and are ready to take on the challenges America faces."
All that was missing was for Lithgow to throw in a "
laugh-a while you can monkey boy!"
Gingrich's press release reminds me of the kind of statement a Supervillain makes after he gets his ass kicked. It has all the hallmarks of it.
- Speaking about yourself in the third person?... Check.
- Delusions of grandeur & an inflated sense of self-worth?... Check.
- A sense of paranoia & a vow to crush all enemies?... Check.
I can totally see
Doctor Doom putting out a press release like the one Gingrich put out yesterday.
"Damn you Richards, and all the literati that worship your Fantastic Four! Your minions & sheep may think they have harmed Doom. That they had killed Doom off. A lesser person could not have survived the first few minutes of the onslaught. But out of the billowing smoke and dust emerged... Doom, once again ready to lead those who won't be intimated by the political elite and ready to take on the challenges America faces."