KEOKUK, IOWA, Jan. 4, 2012 -- Many Iowa Republicans are in an absolute froth at the way that Mitt Romney suddenly came from behind at the tail end of last night's caucuses -- and they think that it doesn't pass the smell test.
These "frothers" believe that they aren't being told the truth about the 9-11 range vote margin by which they understand that Romney eventually won. They believe that this victory margin was not born in Iowa, but in some foreign state -- wherever Karl Rove is busily falsifying documentary evidence of Romney's win. They see a cover-up of the truth and they it to come out -- whether it happens all at once or in a series of leaks.
Frothers are arguing today that the Romney victory must have been some sort of "inside job"; that the structure of Santorum's apparent victory could not have come down so quickly on its own without outside help.
Frothers are also demanding to see the long form of the caucus ballots, on the belief that the short-form tally customarily released has discrepancies showing that it simply could not have been produced when and where Romney's staff claims it did.
Third-place candidate Ron Paul explained that his real concern about Santorum was chemtrails, and advised that one could protect oneself from them with vinegar.
Frothers say that, so far as they're concerned, Santorum is not and will never be #2. Santorum himself was heard shouting the names of state postal codes to the crowd to express his determination to continue despite trailing:
"We will go to N-H! We will go to S-C! We will go to F-L! We will go to K-Y!"
Reached for comment, narrowly defeated 2011 candidate Wisconsin Supreme Court candidate JoAnn Kloppenburg, Senator John Kerry, and Vice-President Al Gore all just shook their heads and laughed. "Now the Republicans are doing this to Republicans too!", Gore said to the others after catching his breath, and then they laughed and laughed and laughed again.
8:23 AM PT: Thank you for being no less juvenile than I about this.
All I have to say to Santorum right now is: Go froth and conquer!