From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Wednesday Optimism
Hey, everybody! Life sucks and we're all screwed!
"Barack Obama has failed America. When he took office, the economy was in recession. He made it worse."
---Presidential Candidate Who Shall Not Be Named
- It's been a long time since the market for new homes has looked this good. Rising rents and a healthier job market are inspiring more people to consider buying. Builders are responding to the demand by laying plans for more homes this year than at any other point in past 3½ years. … More jobs and a better outlook among buyers could also make 2012 the first year since 2008 that construction adds to growth---rather than detracts.
- The outlook for U.S. economic growth is looking slightly better. American businesses sold a record number of goods and services in Europe, China and other foreign markets in February, while imports declined. Many economists began raising their forecasts for January-March growth after seeing Thursday's government report on the lowest trade deficit since last fall.
- Americans are buying record numbers of hybrid and electric cars as gas prices climb and new models arrive in showrooms, giving the vehicles their greatest share yet of the U.S. auto market. Consumers bought a record 52,000 gas-electric hybrids and all-electric cars in March, up from 34,000 during the same month last year.
"I didn’t say that things are worse!"
---Same Presidential Candidate Who Shall Not Be Named
Glad we cleared that up. Good morning, sunshine!
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Note: Shortcrust tart pastry war breaks out at bakers convention. Flyin' flan at 11.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the Kentucky Derby at Churchill Downs: 17
Days 'til the 2012 USA Science and Engineering Festival in Washington, D.C.: 10
Rank of Business, Communications, Engineering and Computer Science among majors that employers are most looking for in college grads: #1, #2, #3, #4
(Source: Michigan State University via The Boston Globe)
Percent of U.S. adults who say Social Security will be their top source of income during their retirement years: 65%
Average annual tax savings for members of the top 1% of earners under the Bush tax cuts: $66,384
Average total annual income for the lower 99%: $58,506
(Source: Harper's Index)
Age by which people should lose their virginity or else be at higher risk of sexual dysfunction: 21
(Source: Columbia University study via Details)
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 183 (including 3 Occults and 1 fallen angel). Soul Protection Factor 24 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: "Gotcha!"
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CHEERS to museum: the final frontier. The Space Shuttle Discovery did it doggie-style with a 747 one last time ("if these cargo bay doors are a'rockin'…") before retiring to a life of aeronautic chastity at the Smithsonian Institution's Air and Space Museum. A fine machine:
Discovery's list of achievements includes delivering the Hubble Space Telescope to orbit, carrying the first Russian cosmonaut to launch on a U.S. spaceship, performing the first rendezvous with Russia's Mir space station (with the first female shuttle pilot in the cockpit), returning Mercury astronaut John Glenn to orbit, and bringing shuttle flights back to life after the Challenger explosion in 1986 and the Columbia tragedy in 2003.
For its many years of dependable service, it gets the Employee of the Month parking space in May and a free can of Turtle Wax.
P.S. More cool photos here. Oh, and now it can finally be revealed: Discovery was the gay shuttle.
JEERS to tossed word salad. Sometimes Republicans make clever arguments, and sometimes they leave holes big enough to drive a couple o' Cadillacs through. The headline at Mediate says: RNC’s Reince Priebus: Obama Using Romney’s Tax Returns As ‘Shiny Object’ To Distract From Real Issues. Two can play that game. Here's my headline:
DKos's Bill in Portland Maine: Priebus using Obama's using of Romney's tax returns as a shiny object to distract from real issues as a shiny object to distract from real issues
Bad man, Mr. Priebus. Shame on y..... Ooh look! Shiny object!
CHEERS to saddle sores for freedom. 237 years ago today, On April 18, 1775, Paul Revere, William Dawes and Samuel Prescott hopped onto their Segways and scootered from Boston to Concord, Mass., warning the citizens of the approaching British army (Prescott was the only one with enough juice to make it all the way). Their focus group-tested talking point: "The British Are Coming!" The day after, our War of Independence began with a brief skirmish at Lexington, an engagement at Concord's North Bridge, and then guerrilla warfare as we chased the 'em back to Bahston. What happened next was inevitable. British General Thomas Gage quietly took down the "Mission Accomplished" banner from the bridge of his frigate and put the kettle on.
CHEERS to today's boring correction. In his latest column, uber-conservative pundit Cal Thomas proudly proclaims: "Rick Santorum’s greatest contribution to the Republican campaign may have been to force the now-presumed nominee, Romney, to the right." For the sake of accuracy it should read: "…greatest contribution to the slow, tortuous death spiral of the Republican campaign..." Mr. Thomas regrets the error and will have Jesus ride his dinosaur over to the editor's desk to run a correction.
JEERS to the coin-tosser-in-chief. Six years ago today, George W. Bush, in yet another moment of detachment from reality, proclaimed after 5½ years of utter incompetence: "I'm the decider and I decide what's best." If I may weigh in on that, sir? Worst. Decider. Ever.
CHEERS to our future hairy primate overlords. Fascinating:
Baboons can learn to tell the difference between real four-letter words and nonsense combinations of letters. And once they figure out the patterns, these monkeys can guess with impressive accuracy whether a new word is real or fake. Because baboons can’t actually read, a new study supports the theory that the brains of our primate ancestors held the necessary hardware for understanding written words long before humans evolved. … Eventually, the findings might weigh in on debates about how best to teach children to read.
The four-letter word that every single baboon figured out was nonsense: Rush.
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Five years ago in C&J: April 18, 2007
JEERS to Deadeye Dick. Last week the vice president killed a bird with his plane. Apparently he didn’t feel like unpacking his shotgun.
CHEERS or JEERS to doin' double duty. It's a plane! It's a heli-o-coptor! It's the non-battle-tested, not-completely-reliable Osprey tilt-rotor lighter than air machine and it's making its first combat-zone appearance in Iraq. The early reviews are in and most troops agree: we'll grab the next Humvee that comes along, thanks.
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And just one more…
JEERS to boobs with nefarious plans. Jeebus…the owner of a strip club in Arlington, Texas was prevented by law enforcement officials from going through with a devious plot to kill the mayor. And just in the nick of time---we hear the tassels were locked and loaded.
Have a nice Wednesday. Go bother someone you love. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
ALEC Eliminates Task Force That Did Bill in Portland Maine's Bidding
---Media Matters
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