Rep. Darrell Issa (R-Calif.) is floating legislation that would name most U.S. coastal waters after former President Ronald Reagan.To be fair, we're not talking about renaming all the oceans after Ronald Reagan. Just any parts of them within 200 miles of America, in honor of the guy who first said "yeah, all that over there? That's ours."
Issa reintroduced his bill Wednesday to rename the country’s Exclusive Economic Zone (EEZ), which generally extends from three miles to 200 miles offshore, as the Ronald Wilson Reagan Exclusive Economic Zone.
While creating at least several jobs in the lucrative map-printing sector of the economy, this otherwise seems a rather pointless little exercise. For one thing, I thought true conservatives hated Ronald Reagan now, but it turns out that while they now hate most of what he said and did, they still like putting his name on things. So he's a lot like Jesus in that way. Or would be, if Jesus hated unions and the environment and said things like "bring all of the offshore oil within two hundred miles of here unto me, because I hath called dibs upon it."
Where were we? Oh yes, jobs. Hundreds of thousands of jobs created by renaming every single thing in America after Ronald Reagan, the only modern Republican president conservatives still acknowledge the existence of. There's at least 50,000 permanent jobs to be gained in this one proposal by Issa alone, as we send minimum-wage workers out to repeatedly spray paint Ronald Reagan's name on the ocean surface until it finally sticks.
Ha! Just kidding. We wouldn't pay them minimum wage. Ronald Reagan would have hated that.