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I feel like i've become a "problem case" of the community (sadly, that's how big my ego is).  A few months ago, i wrote this diary about being at the end of my emotional and mental ropes.  Thankfully, so many of you turned up in the comments or in messages to help me out.

at this point, though, many things in my life have turned around over the past weeks ~ i've been exercising regularly, my relationship with my estranged wife has turned around to the point that we're discussing reconciliation, and i even found a couple of jobs, though one hasn't started yet and one is ending next week...which is the point of my diary today.

What really is fucking me up now is money, and I really have no where else to turn but here ~ i'm at the end of my rope now, and even now am crying in spurts as i write how fucked up my money situation is.   seeing it all here in black and white, i feel like such a scumbag who can't provide for his family and has to beg to make ends meet.

Like so many others, i lost my unemployment benefits that i was counting on.  I'm about to go buy a new tv and try to pawn it or sell it on craigslist so i don't bounce my payments.

ive been applying for any credit card i can so i can take cash advances to be able to pay for my rent and debt payment program, and to use for bills but I can't do even get a card now.  needless to say, my kids are getting homemade gifts this xmas

i don't know what else to do, or where to turn.  i'm applying for any and every job i see, but that isn't going to help me in the next few weeks when i'm so desperate for money.

sigh ~ now the pitch

I don't need much at all ~ only about $500 to get me through these next few weeks.  I believe that things are going to change for me soon and i just need help with my next two big payments that can't bounce or else my life gets so much more fucked than it is now.    

i dont know if it sounds cheesy or manipulative or whatever, but i've seen this community rally around other members who have posted their need.  And i've seen the scams that have come and gone around here, and read the stories of people being burned.  I always think that these others have offered so much to this place, and what right do i have to even ask this of strangers, but, as i said, i literally don't know what else to do.  i have no family or friends that can loan me money, no other way to do this ~ i don't even know how to properly do this.  i set up a paypal account in the arrogant notion that i'll get help, but i don't know how to post that info on here.

please, DKos, i literally am begging for your help.

11:32 AM PT: if anyone can help, i will try to pay it forward in any way possible

paypal email:   pholkhero-AT-gmail-DOT-com

3:13 PM PT: thank you ES!!!

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Comment Preferences

  •  Tip Jar (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    raincrow, miserychick

    Sometimes I wish I could unfollow myself.

    by pholkhero on Wed Dec 19, 2012 at 10:07:37 AM PST

  •  The economics of this course of action (6+ / 0-)

    are baffling.

    II'm about to go buy a new tv and try to pawn it or sell it on craigslist so i don't bounce my payments.

    ive been applying for any credit card i can so i can take cash advances to be able to pay for my rent and debt payment program, and to use for bills

    •  It does go a long way, however, toward (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:

      explaining how pholkhero got in this mess.

      A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state . . .

      by DaNang65 on Wed Dec 19, 2012 at 11:12:50 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  sadly, this is the situation i'm in (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:

        i'm not proud of it.

        I'm 'in this mess,' in large part, because i haven't been able to find a job.  

        the tv i was going to buy (decided against it once i got to the store) was going to be bought on credit as i can't get cash anymore.

        again, i'm overwhelmingly ashamed to have not only my business, but my failings broadcast on this site.  

        Sometimes I wish I could unfollow myself.

        by pholkhero on Wed Dec 19, 2012 at 11:23:06 AM PST

        [ Parent ]

  •  Post the email associated with your PayPal account (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Margd, SilentBrook

    I think what you do is edit your diary to include it as an update, then republish. I don't know if the diary returns with all existing comments still attached (although I know there's a way to update diaries without hiding/deleting all comments). Check the DKos FAQ for more on updating:

    And I hate to ask, but is there another Kossack who can vouch for your situation? After a number of contributors got burned by someone who did not actually need the help, most requests these days are vetted by another member of the community.


    by raincrow on Wed Dec 19, 2012 at 10:52:55 AM PST

    •  there's prolly no one who can (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:

      i've been on the site, off and on, since '06, but have never met anyone.  I missed the recent philly meet-up due to work.

      i could offer up my phone number via message or whatever, but what good would that do?  a stranger could talk to me and try to cipher my honesty from my tone or words or whatever.

      i understand the trepidation and hesitancy; i've read the posts, esp The Family Members Who Shall Not Be Named, and the recent burning of members that forced the front page diary.  

      tbh, i have no expectation of any help.  as i said, i feel like i haven't contributed to the site the way so many others have (of course, again, prolly my ego).

      Sometimes I wish I could unfollow myself.

      by pholkhero on Wed Dec 19, 2012 at 11:31:35 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  Sorry (4+ / 0-)

    You have a job through next week.  That means you have at least one paycheck coming in.  You have another job starting, and that will mean more paychecks.

    You didn't "lose" your unemployment -- you became employed.  Should that employment end, you have the ability to go back on unemployment.  Check your state guidelines for how it works; they vary.

    If you have the money to buy a new TV, then you have the money to pay something on your debts.  There is no way you could get full value for it either on Craigslist or from a pawn shop (ten cents on the dollar, usually) -- so that idea is perfectly ridiculous.

    If you are in a debt repayment program, I can't imagine how you could get a credit card at anything other than ruinous rates. And don't most debt repayment programs require that you close the credit accounts you have and not open any more?

    I believe that your Christmas may be tight.  So's ours.  I could give you our sob story but it's not necessary -- suffice to say that sometime before the end of the year I expect to see my first full paycheck in 6 months.

    Remember that depression magnifies everything that's potentially bad in your life and diminishes everything good -- and your previous diaries indicate that you've had some serious problems with depression.  Don't stop talking to the people around you and don't feel like you  couldn't possibly burden them with your concerns -- trouble shared is a lighter load, and your wife, your parents, your friends, even your kids could have insight that could help you based on a better knowledge of your circumstances.  (I know I don't know how old your kids are, but mine was a little fount of wisdom from an early age, unburdened by the "ought to be's" of adulthood -- and even her unrealistic suggestions had the benefit of being amusing).

    Good luck.

    History should teach humility and prudence, but America doesn't seem to learn. I've never seen a virgin who loses her innocence so often. -- Gordon Wood

    by stormicats on Wed Dec 19, 2012 at 11:06:12 AM PST

    •  my unemployment didn't stop b/c of my job (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:

      i don't even make enough to have my benefits even cut in half by my income (which is pretty sad).

      and i was going to buy the tv on my target card (believing that i will be making much more money in the near future), but i've since decided that was a poorly-thought-out idea.  

      and yeah, the CC rates are ridiculous.  what's worse is that i have THREE MONTHS left on the debt program (after four f-ing years).  and they do require you close your account, adn i had believed that they don't allow you to open new accounts, but as i found out from my 'wife' (it's complicated), you apparently can open up new accounts (i had been CC 'clean' for years before my relapse).

      but your right about sharing and the depression ~ your words put things into perspective for me a bit.  The quote i use is "a burden shared soon becomes no burden at all."


      Sometimes I wish I could unfollow myself.

      by pholkhero on Wed Dec 19, 2012 at 11:19:22 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  did you get any help yet (0+ / 0-)

    or resources?

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