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I waste lots of precious time
Setting Politics to rhyme.
Ridiculous or near sublime?
At least I've shunned a life of crime.

10:01 AM PT: HOLIDAY DEPRESSION

Obama promised voters free gifts,

While my supporters now will be stiffed.

Also Chris Christie's defection

Sabotaged my election.

Now I, like my garage, need a lift.

10:04 AM PT: HALF BLAKED

I went to Conservative Church

What I saw there made me perspire:

Santorum was up in the pulpit,

And Newt Gingrich was leading the choir.

Huckabee sent us to privatized school.

What they taught us there boggled my mind:

Abstinence only instead of sex ed

And some shit called intelligent design.

Gay marriage was strictly verboten

And contraceptives couldn't be bought;

They gathered us like cattle, and marched us to battle,

And in the rocket's red glare repealed Obamacare.

10:14 AM PT: YOU ARE OLD, FATHER LIMBAUGH


You are old, Father Limbaugh, the young Republican said,


And with erections no longer blessed;


Yet you chirp like a mynah about young women's vaginas; 


Do you think you're a little obsessed?



In my youth, said the sage, I feared talking dirty


Lest people would think me a pervert


But now I'm a certified sex offender


And I find that I actually prefer it.



You are fat, Father Limbaugh, with pendulous breasts,


Drug-addicted and deaf to boot


Yet you intentionally strain to give women pain


Don't you fear a horrendous lawsuit?



Confidentially, said the pundit, I've hidden my money


Along with Mitt's in the Bahamas
.

My lawyers assure me they've dotted the i's,


Crossed the t's and used plenty of commas. 



You're disgusting, said the youth, I don't give a damn


If you lose all of your sponsors.


When you put us Republicans out of the running
,

Who will go to Ted Nugent's concerts?



Once I worried, said the bully, that I'd gone too far


And alienated my advertisers


But now I've made perfectly sure I have none,


I can slander without fear of reprisals. 



Tell McConnell and Boehner I now own their party; 


Without me they're nothing but losers.


Daily I brainwash my wingnuts and racists.


It's too late for those beggars to be choosers!

10:40 AM PT: ...BEST OF 2012 continued....

THE REPUBLICAN GUIDE TO RAPE

If your rape was forcible

Termination's impossible.

If the rape was legitimate

You cannot get rid of it.

If a man assault-raped you

Medicaid mustn't take you.

You say it's statutory?

Exactly the same story.

Don't get so defensual

We'll think it was consensual.

                                 UNMITTIGATED

I HAVE A SCHEME

If I had a jet ski you'd see me ride

By Winnepesaukee's shore;

If I had a Swiss bank account, happily I'd

Fly to Zurich, swim in dollars galore.

If I were prez, billionaires on my staff

We'd repeal health care our first chance;

Give ourselves tax cuts and have a good laugh;

Tell sick folks, go live in France.

UNCONDITIONAL

A businessman's sympathies lie

With job creators like Blue Cross; that's why

Kids with preexisting conditions

Seem too inefficient.

He tells them "Die baby! Die baby! Die!"

I'VE GOT 1040 PROBLEMS AND BEING RICH AIN'T ONE OF THEM

Beside my favorite swimming pool,

My eyes all glazed and filmy,

I've made a tough decision:

My tax returns will kill me.

Workers get their share of tax;

It's right that they should pay.

But as for me, I'd rather

Be boiled in Perrier.

I may have paid no taxes

In 1999,

But I earned those breaks creating jobs

In Shenzhen, mainland China.

I've seen you sneer at my great wealth;

It's really not that funny.

It's uncouth to criticize the rich;

We work hard for your money.

TRUST ME ON THIS

I'm in this fight to save success

From those who favor failure

If you think you're destined to be rich

Then I will be your savior.

It was God's will that I got mine

Those tax breaks were his doing

If God loves you, pay Congress off,

If not, you'll get a screwing.

Roads and bridges don't make success

Nor police and fire stations

Hedge funds don't like infrastructure,

But they love deregulation.

SONNET? I'M ON IT

Shall I compare thee to an Etch-a-Sketch?

Thou art fickler and more temporary:

Mouse-overs cause your website to refresh

And pop-up windows flash momentary:

Sometimes you’re here and sometimes barely there,

And sometimes you just seem nowhere at all:

Call loud and long for tax cuts for billionaires,

Then say, “Not what I meant,” and look appall’d,

For thy eternal waffling never wanes

Nor scruples to implausibly embellish;

Though debates might betimes o'erheat your brain,

When those infernal lies to us thou tellest:

So long as men spit-take or be deceived

So long extends your world-class mendacity.

VIVE LE DEFERMENTS

Proselytizing prostitutes en la belle France

Young Mitt found the devil in his pants.

He said: "Though it sounds un peu macho

And un soupçon Boccaccio,

Let's put the devil in Hell pour la bonne chance!

                                 RYANOMICS 101

    VOUCHERMAN

I lie in a pasture all full of green grass

I lie in a wheelbarrow of cash.

I proudly prevaricate with tongue of bright brass

About health care that I plan to slash.

I invent math on the spot to keep the tax cuts I got

Instead of paying for the privilege I've enjoyed.

I'll fake cleaning pots but I'd rather not

Help the poor and the unemployed

I pretend to be pious but the value I prize is

The superman ethic of Nietzsche.

If you read Atlas Shrugged and feel you've been mugged

It's because you're dependent and leech-y.

My dewy-eyed lies seem honest and wise

Lies about factories dead and shrouded in gloom.

I'm winning the prize in the Marathon of Lies.

Why do I feel the cold breath of doom?

MISAYNTHROPIC

Paul Ryan's icy heart never bleeds


For the jobless and people in need


He's a devoted disciple


(Atlas Shrugged is his Bible)


Of Ayn Rand, godless goddess of greed.

GRANDMA'S DEATH WISH

I'm a big noise from Wisconsin

I'm the conservative Charles Bronson.

Though politically perilous

I proposed making Medicareless.

Squeezing old folks just hardens my johnson.

Sun Dec 30, 2012 at  9:21 AM PT: TYGER IN  THE TANK

Party! Party! Turning right

Go into the blinding light.

What sweet sorrow is this parting.

Soon you'll join Hoover and Harding.

Until that day make us remember

Why we dumped you last November.

Scorch the earth and blow more smoke

Until you are completely Koch'd.

What overcaffeinated tea

Launched you on this darkling sea?

Did you drink Norquist's cold Kool-aid

Or give Wall Street your soul in trade?

What anticommunistic rot

Twisted you into such knots?

What the hammer? What the sickle?

In what thinktank was your brain pickled?

As you slouch to your extinction

Do you think that even Lincoln

Might not waste tears if he but knew?

Would he who freed the slaves mourn you?

Party! Party! Turning right

Go into the blinding light.

What sweet sorrow is this parting.

Soon you'll join Hoover and Harding.


Mon Jan 28, 2013 at 12:01 PM PT: BLACK SABBATH
In a fever swamp fetid and mossy
Rand Paul sifts the ash of Benghazi
To punish poor Hillary
He built a paranoid pillory
Next he'll be biting the heads off of bats just like Ozzy.

Sun Mar 29, 2015 at 3:00 PM PT: PAUL RYAN'S INARTICULATE HOWL AT POVERTY (NOT A RACE THING)

I saw the best men of the inner cities, in particular, in a tailspin of culture, starving hysterical naked, not working,

dragging themselves through the inner city streets at dawn, in an inner city culture of not working, but not a race thing, looking for an angry unemployment extension,

--just generations of angelheaded inner city men not even thinking about working, burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the value and the culture of work in the machinery of night,

destroyed by our war on poverty and our programs, who tatters and hollow-eyed and high bared their brains under the El and saw inarticulate libertarian congressmen lifting Moloch to Heaven!

Congress of Sorrows! What inner city sphinx of cement and aluminum, in particular, bashed open their skulls and ate up their brains and imagination? Moloch the stunned government!

Moloch! Inner city men not working! Culture problem that must be dealt with! Unobtainable dollars!

Moloch! Moloch! Nightmare of Moloch! Moloch--not the race thing, the poor thing!

Moloch-- I get it. You don’t know me, so you don’t know who I really am. Race, in particular, has nothing to do with this. Moloch the inarticulate!

Moloch who knows no racial boundaries! Moloch the incentive not to work! Cultural Moloch!

Visions! omens! hallucinations! miracles! ecstasies! gone down the inarticulate American river!

(Apologetically, to Alan Ginsberg, who would understand.)

BAD JUDGMENT

Scalia, Alito, Thomas and Roberts
Judicial marionettes and puppets.
Thomas, Roberts, Scalia and Alito:
Electoral college incognito.
Roberts, Thomas, Alito, Scalia:
Corporations are people like you and me are.
Alito, Scalia, Roberts and Thomas:
Unleash the robber barons on us.

WIKIPIQUE

In Rand Paul's craw a bone is sticking:
It's MSNBC's nitpicking.
If he had only used footnoting
When he went directly quoting
Those leftist haters wouldn't be gloating.
True to form, he attacks the media
Instead of crediting Wikipedia.

MIKE FALLS OFF HIS TRIKE

Mike Huckabee thought about women a bit
It gave him a shiver; it gave him a fit.
He went to the podium, stroked his chin and looked wise.
He said, "I may not know females but I can fantasize:
Pink petticoats and ribbons and perfume and lace,
They make me all squirmy; sweat beads on my face.
And them having sex? Almost inconceivable!
Enjoying it, too? Quite unbelievable!
According to morality as defined by fools like me,
Women who have intercourse must make babies!"

RAND PAUL'S HACKAGATTACA

Let us go then, you and I,
To "the not-too-distant future,"
When the evening is spread out against the sky
When eugenics is common,
And DNA plays the primary role in determining social class.

Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
To a genetic registry database of insidious intent
That uses biometrics like a tedious argument;
And Rand Paul lies like a patient etherized upon a table.

While those conceived by traditional means
In the muttering retreats
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels,
Are derisively known as "in-valid" slobs,
And are cruelly relegated to menial jobs.

Due to frequent screening,
Rand faces genetic discrimination and prejudice.
It it the smell of rancid Jheri-Curl
That makes me want to hurl?

And indeed there will be time, there will be time
For Rand to achieve his dream
With a genetic profile said to be “secondary to none.”
In the room the women come and go
Talking of world-class swimming star Jerome Morrow.

Should I wear white flannel trousers?
Do I dare to eat a peach?
Should I use Jerome's "valid" DNA to pass genetic screening?
How are my focus groups leaning?

There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that I meet;
To have fetuses tested for genetic defects, such as mermaid tails instead of feet.
Those mermaids say that I'm a fool.
Haters! I will challenge them to a duel.

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Comment Preferences

  •  TYGER IN THE TANK (0+ / 0-)

    TYGER IN  THE TANK
    Party! Party! Turning right
    Go into the blinding light.
    What sweet sorrow is this parting.
    Soon you'll join Hoover and Harding.

    Until that day make us remember
    Why we dumped you last November.
    Scorch the earth and blow more smoke
    Until you are completely Koch'd.

    What overcaffeinated tea
    Launched you on this darkling sea?
    Did you drink Norquist's cold Kool-aid
    Or give Wall Street your soul in trade?

    What anticommunistic rot
    Twisted you into such knots?
    What the hammer? What the sickle?
    In what thinktank was your brain pickled?

    As you slouch to your extinction
    Do you think that even Lincoln
    Might not waste tears if he but knew?
    Would he who freed the slaves mourn you?

    Party! Party! Turning right
    Go into the blinding light.
    What sweet sorrow is this parting.
    Soon you'll join Hoover and Harding.

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