I haven’t written in a while since I haven't had anything to say. My life’s been on hold for so long that it’s, for the most part, the same day, day after day. It doesn’t really matter if it is the weekend or not. It all blends together. As you may know, coping with my long-term unemployment has been a personal struggle. It’s also been a spiritual journey. After five years of more-or-less joblessness, I cannot help myself but contemplate reality, existence, and my place in the universe. I no longer see life through the perceived normal “work-to-live, live-to-work” lens. I’m outside all of that now. I see what’s really going on.
As a spectator, I can see the game being played, as opposed to playing it. I can take the time to scrutinize all the participants, not just those in my general vicinity. My takeaway is enlightening, but not revolutionary. What I have seen by living outside the box of societal norms are uncomfortable truths. From petty gripes to nonsensical pursuits, I just scratch my head in wonderment at the absurdity of modern life. What has been seen cannot be unseen, or so they say. So here is where my spiritual journey has led me: at the very foundation of civilization as we know it, there is one disturbing, universal, undeniable yet obvious truth…
We are all slaves. I know, news flash, right? Well, it takes stepping away from the game for a few years to understand – to fully comprehend – how deeply and fully we are all dedicated to not only playing along, but perpetuating and encouraging it. Don’t be fooled by all the patriotic talk about freedom and the “American Way”. It’s slavery. We are all enslaved to our mortgages, car loans, student loans, credit card balances, bills, bills, and more bills. It’s slavery. For all the angst and trouble we go through to balance the checkbook all we get are weekends (if we’re lucky) off and two weeks of vacation (again, if you’re lucky) a year?
Really? Does that even sound right? Chained to a desk, the retail floor, a counter, bus/taxi seat, construction site, whatever or wherever it may be for eight to ten hours a day and all we get is a handful of days and consider ourselves lucky to have a job? Really? I used to be there. I used to be part of that grind and I perfectly accepted this life as not only suitable, but normal. Normal? Who willingly accepts slavery? This is what it is. If you’re lucky (or shrewd, or careful, or sensible) you may have some extra cash saved up by the end of the year. Do you have enough money to retire? Do you even have a retirement account? Are you thinking you’re so far in the hole that you’ll drop dead on the job? Slavery!
I can see this now. I don’t have a job, and I haven’t had one on a long time, so I can afford the luxury of observing my working friends and their lamentations. I used to envy them. Honestly! I used to envy buying into to the willful slave trade like I once did. But now I see what’s really going on. I see people working themselves to death for all the things we have been told are necessary to live the American Dream: get married, have kids, buy a house, get a new car, keep up with the neighbors by purchasing the latest smartphone, tablet, or seventy-two inch television. Buy! Buy! Buy! Debt! Debt! Debt! Work the long, hard hours to pay for this endless cycle of debt. Where does it end?
I started in sales, so I was blinded early. Early in my career I was offered “sage words” from a seasoned co-worker. Right after I was hired he told me to buy something expensive like a sports car, boat or a house. Why? Because then I would be motivated (read: required) to work hard to pay off the purchase. Essentially, he was advising me to give up my financial security – my freedom of choice to live my life on my terms - for slavery to my creditors and my job, and we all fall for it! We all fall into the trap. And we all fall into it from the get go. Why is higher education so expensive? So you’ll be chained to a job for the next decade to pay off your loans. During that time you’ll probably get married, buy a house, start a family, buy tons stuff on credit, so on and so on. The cycle grows and flows.
Why am I even bringing this up? I honestly don’t know. I have practically nothing now. I haven’t made a major purchase in five years. All my gadgets are getting old and failing. My years-old clothes are wearing out. And yet I sit and wonder if I’ll ever rejoin the ranks of the willingly enslaved. Sad but true! I have all the time in the world to myself, and right now I wish to return to that lifestyle of weekends off; dreading Mondays; looking forward to lunch break, payday and Fridays; living for that one or two week vacation every year. Is this freedom? Here’s a change: tell yourself this Sunday or the last day of your next vacation, “I’m not going to work tomorrow.” If you’re thinking that’s crazy talk, then you’re enslaved. You have willfully ceded your freedom of choice.
Am I nuts? No. I’m freaking depressed because I have my priorities screwed up by longing for a psychosis, not a life. I used to fear for my life of losing my job. Then again, I was willfully enslaved, too. Now those shackles have been shed. Even though I may not have an income, I still have my freedom of choice. I can choose to type this right now – instead of feverishly trying to get my morning work done before lunch if I was employed – or I may choose to walk to the park. You may say that I’m enslaved to my poverty. In many ways, yes. But there are certain advantages, like freedom from materialism and having the time to truly figure out who I am. Believe me, I’ve learned far more about myself over the past five years than the first forty. I’ve learned I am a person, not a slave.
It doesn’t really matter any way. I’ve reached the point where I’ve concluded (more like accepted) that I’ll never work again. I can’t even get volunteer work. How screwed up is that? So I give up. Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t give up on life. I’m still full of potential, I have a lot left in me to contribute, and this world is too awesome to abandon. I still haven’t visited the West Coast yet! I just give up on the game. In the end, I’m just going to wind up where I am right now any way, so why prolong the inevitable? I’ll enjoy my retirement right now while I’m still young enough to appreciate it. No worries. As my grandmother used to say, time will find a way.