My questions tonight: what do you do when you, as someone with a serious illness, need to be a caregiver, too? How do you cope? How do you pace yourself? What do you do with the ever-growing list of desirable but not necessary tasks to be done? How do you ever look beyond the day-to-day?
I have been comparatively lucky in this regard so far. I had about eighteen months of serious treatment and recovery, which followed about six months of severe and debilitating symptoms. Thus all told, so far I've had about two years of very intense illness, followed by eighteen months and counting of remission (plus lingering effects), which considering the alternatives is a pretty good outcome to date.
But it hasn't come without other, extra, stressors. I still don't want to go into detail about it, but I've had some unusual and extremely difficult challenges to handle with one of my close family members for just about all of the time post-diagnosis. Even when my prognosis was pretty grim, I had to take care of other business, too. Things are gradually improving on that front, yet they still have a long way to go before I can relax my vigilance and dial back my efforts.
And more recently, both my parents have had troubling, worry-producing episodes. Neither one of them is well; neither one of them is stable; they're both in their nineties to boot. Considering just how old they are, it is remarkable that they are still here. Stubbornness does run on both sides of my family, however, and they have the longevity in spite of several disabling conditions to prove it.
Now, before I draw too many unwarranted compliments, let me declare up front that I am not the primary caregiver for either one of my parents. But I am a back-up, and sometimes I am the one holding things together after all. Toward the end of this week, my legal responsibilities will be changing as well, and to say that I am apprehensive about what that change in status may entail is understating the case by a wide margin.
I know I am not alone on this board in having to juggle "ordinary" filial and/or parental duties. I also know that some of you, while being ill and in active treatment yourselves, have had major caregiving responsibilities for a spouse, a parent, a child.... So, how do you keep it together? How do you manage to keep your own health needs in mind?
I want to know your secrets--even if you don't think they're anything special--because I suspect that your resourcefulness would be helpful to others (including me) if you shared some of your tricks. Thanks in advance for your candor.
Monday Night Cancer Club is a Daily Kos group focused on dealing with cancer, primarily for cancer survivors and caregivers, though clinicians, researchers, and others with a special interest are also welcome. Volunteer diarists post Monday evenings between 7-8 PM ET on topics related to living with cancer, which is very broadly defined to include physical, spiritual, emotional and cognitive aspects. Mindful of the controversies endemic to cancer prevention and treatment, we ask that both diarists and commenters keep an open mind regarding strategies for surviving cancer, whether based in traditional, Eastern, Western, allopathic or other medical practices. This is a club no one wants to join, in truth, and compassion will help us make it through the challenge together.