Five or six years ago, I somehow got added to a GOP mailing list (probably as a joke by a friend). My mailbox does not fill up with letters from every teabagger group or GOP candidate, but I occasionally get a missive from one of their ilk. Yesterday, I received "Critical 2014 Illinois Voter Information" from Jim Oberweis, who helpfully informs me that he is the "Republican nominee for the United States Senate here in Illinois and I am running to unseat the ultra-liberal career politician, Dick Durbin." For those of you not from Illinois, Jim Oberweis is a right wing Republican perennial candidate for office. He's run for senator, governor, congress, using the fortune he made from the family dairy/ice cream business. He finally won a state senate seat in the last election.
His letter then goes on for SIX PAGES (when does he think your average ultra-conservative took the time to read any document of that length) telling me in italics, underlines and ALL CAPS of the parade of horribles that will result of "ULTRA-LIBERAL Dick Durbin" is re-elected. But the real gem was the "2014 Illinois U.S. Senate Candidate Comparison Survey" that was enclosed. Follow me below the fold about this fascinating piece of hyperbole.
Jim tells me I must fill out and return the survey "without delay" for four reasons (all direct quotes):
1) To prove that a majority of Illinois voters DO NOT AGREE with the radical, left-wing, pro-Obama agenda of Dick Durbin.
2) To energize and mobilize Illinois conservatives and tea party voters.
3) To inform independent Illinois voters that there is a solid alternative to Dick Durbin in this year's elections.
4) To ensure that the Senate race here in Illinois stays focused on the REAL issues that matter and not made-up issues like the so-called "war on women" and "income inequality."
I'm then asked to fill out the survey and let Jim know if I "agree with incumbent Senator Dick Durbin or with his chief Republican challenger, Jim Oberweis." [is there a minor Republican challenger for this seat of whom I am unaware?] Just in case there is any doubt how I am to answer, each choice on the survey starts with "Incumbent liberal U.S. Senator Dick Durbin believes . . ." and "Conservative Republican Jim Oberweis believes . . ." I won't list all of the questions, but here are a few gems:
5) Incumbent liberal U.S. Senator Dick Durbin believes that there is no need to ever cut or limit federal spending.
Conservative Republican Jim Oberweis believes that the current rate of spending in Washington is unsustainable and must be rolled back before it bankrupts the country and destroys the economy.
_ I agree with Jim Oberweis _ I agree with Dick Durbin
6) Incumbent liberal U.S. Senator Dick Durbin believes that the best way to help the unemployed and the poor is to give them an unlimited supply of federal benefits.
Conservative Republican Jim Oberweis believes that the best way to help the unemployed and the poor is through a job and growth creating free market that is not held back by the federal government.
_ I agree with Jim Oberweis _ I agree with Dick Durbin
9) Incumbent liberal U.S. Senator Dick Durbin believes that the Constitution is a flawed and outdated document that should be revised.
Conservative Republican Jim Oberweis believes that the Constitution is a brilliant document that absolutely guarantees our rights to Life, to Work, to Prosper, to Keep and Bear Arms, to worship and to speak freely in the public square.
_ I agree with Jim Oberweis _ I agree with Dick Durbin
10) Incumbent liberal U.S. Senator Dick Durbin believes that marriage can be defined as anything you want it to be.
Conservative Republican Jim Oberweis believes that the one and true definition of marriage is a union solely between a man and a woman [though not one man and one woman, as Mr. Oberweis is divorced and on wife number two]
_ I agree with Jim Oberweis _ I agree with Dick Durbin
The survey then lists all 14 issues he asked about and asks me to rank them in order of importance.
Repealing Obamacare Forcing Obamacare on everyone
Congressional term limits Protecting the ruling elite
A strong Social Security system Raids on the Social Security system
Lower and fairer taxes More taxes on the "rich"
Abolishing the death tax Raising the death tax
Rescuing Medicare Cutting Medicare
A Balanced Budget Amendment More welfare state spending
Less federal control on business Unlimited unemployment benefits
Securing our borders Amnesty for illegal aliens
Preserving the Second Amendment Gun control and confiscation
Free speech Imposing speech restrictions
The right to live Abortion on demand
Traditional marriage Marriage for any and all
Unshackling the economy Income redistribution
American Exceptionalism American disarmament
Constitutional fidelity Political correctness
After carefully considering each question, I'm sure much to Jim's surprise, I ended up agreeing with liberal U.S. Senator Dick Durbin on every issue.