I am hoping to put this into the Grieving Room and the Monday Night Cancer Club. Not sure if this is right..still have'nt figured out how DKOS works.
Badger and I had a fairy tale love story. We had a love that many never get in a life time. We did not do it perfectly, we had our 'annoyance' ... as Badger put it the real wedding vows were to "Love Honor and Annoy".
But love we did above all others....
I wrote this soon after his passing, I wanted to remember that love, that last time...
It happened so quickly …. hour by hour the 'dragon' in his gut took over. His speech almost gone with only mumbles that I alone understood.
Amidst the pain and struggles of deteriorating both mentally and physically.
He reached for me to raise up. I held him by his shoulders and pulled him to sit by the edge of the bed.
Jokingly telling him how lucky he was to have married a strong woman and not one of those 'skinny' girls.
His goal unknown to me became clear... he wanted to 'say ' something.
I put cushions against his back and sat next to my love on the bed holding hands.
Trying so hard to speak, the effort was enormous.
It pained me to see him struggle so, my whole being was focused on giving him comfort.
Jim squeezed my hand and I replied.... “don't worry Jim your squeeze says it all”.
The efforts for speech stopped and he increased the power and voracity of his hands.
He pushed and pulled my hands until exhausted, then he layed them gently in my palm.
I felt his love and traced those fingers.
The fingers that brought me the first wildflower in spring, the hand that once set on my shoulder could calm me from outrage.
Those hands that had built our homes, cradled our child, and touched me like no other.
Our hands and bodies lay entwined for an hour or more, time had no meaning.
Exhausted and completed.
We had made love for the last time.