The GOP (and some Democrats) have said they don't like the P5+1 Iran deal. They think it should be scrapped for something "better". But what is that "better" deal? How will they bring the Iranians back to the table and keep the multi-national sanctions in place?
Lucky for you I got ahold of the GOP Master Plan For Efficient Government and a Tom Cotton Secret Decoder Ring, set it to the number of GOP presidential candidates and discovered that, unlike that wimp Obama, the GOP has multiple plans to bring the Iranians back to the table while keeping our allies in line and in awe of Republican awesomeness!
So here are the super-duper top-ultraviolet-secret plans that I decoded. If you change the settings, or maybe integrate the Donald Trump Key Of Excess or use the Rick Perry Glasses (make you look smarter while doing nothing), you might be able to discover additional GOP plans to allow the world to live The American Dream(tm).
Here, in no particular order, are the GOP plans, each sure to work because Fox News said so:
* Captain America will single-handedly defeat the entire Revolutionary Guard and march the Supreme Leader to the table.
* Scott Walker parachutes in, and surrounded by Quds, fix them with his steely gaze and declare, "I have broken labor unions. Fear me." The Quds troops throw down their weapons and chant "Walker akbar! Walker akbar!"
* Jeb! Bush arrives and announces that his brother cleaned up Iraq and -- suddenly interrupted as the Iranians cheer and tell him to thank his brother for all he did (to increase Iran's power in the region, but don't tell Jeb!). Jeb! is dazed at the well wishes and promises of support. Jeb! returns home, declaring peace in our time.
* Donald Trump arrives in his jet and proceeds to tell Khamenei "you're fired", talk about women, needing a nice casino, what a deal he can make them, until they agree to sign a new deal if he promises to reveal the secret of his hair.
* Mike Huckabee comes in, ready to smite them with a diabetes cure and his almighty Bible before realising the Iranians have the religious society he wants to impose on America. He and the Supreme Leader pinky swear and take selfies, becoming BFFs.
* Tom Cotton, showing his tactical skills match his understanding of how the American system of government works, leads his brigade of 46 Senators into Tehran, where they are promptly captured by an Iranian softball team. Senator Cotton negotiates a deal for them to play in Little Rock, all expenses paid.
* Marco Rubio tells Iran he's going to keep the embargo in place because it's worked so well against Cuba, or would if that fink Obama hadn't given up after just 53 years (Castro was THIS CLOSE to surrendering!).
I think there are more secret plans there, but when I set the decoder ring to the number of votes to repeal Obamacare, it broke. Darn.