It is time to consider seriously whether the planet Earth was simply meant to be a planet of trash. You and I might think trash to be unpleasant, but what if trash-based lifeforms from outside our solar system set up humans on this planet for the specific purpose of creating trash, which they could later harvest? Should we appease these trash gods and build them pyramids of waste reaching to the heavens, or reject their plans and consider ridding the planet of this scourge altogether?
Or as an alternate solution, should we just stop worrying about trash and just let the chips land where they will?
Pipeline companies are using all these insanely hazardous techniques to get the oil out of the ground because we can't stop driving our cars-- cars which we drive around like fashion statements. Ever drive by a Walmart parking lot and feel like you're getting a glimpse of a monster truck rally? Are you telling me that you need that flame-emblazoned pickup truck with gigantic spiky tires the size of regular car to pick up some groceries and the latest Schwarzenegger box office failure at the Redbox?
And for those driving around with the sports cars-- Is it a requirement for your banking job screwing minorities out loan applications that your car have all the latest gizmos from the cars in the James Bond franchise? Like the fancy lights all over your Porsche aren’t the biological equivalent of a peacock spreading its tail feathers to attract another Porsche? All peacocks have small penises. That’s why they come with the feathers. We get it.
Maybe it's time to consider we were meant to be a planet of pollution and three-eyed babies.
There's not enough of the regular oil to satiate our lust for driving, so they started harvesting tar-sands which is like peanut butter with a little bit of oil stuck in it.
Seriously. Think about that. So that we can keep driving our cars around like a bunch of ants shoveling trash from one ant-hill to another, the oil companies have to pour a bunch of poison in this dirty skippy stuff in the ground to get the oil out of it. And then we put that in our cars.
The chemicals have all these horrible ten-syllable words to describe this nastiness. Methylbenzene, toluene, hydrogen-sulfide and some of the chemicals even two syllable words like propane. Like they are firing up the grill for a cookout. Delicious. And then all these chemicals seep into the water and the people in the poor neighborhoods have to drink the stuff. They send it through the Native American reservations. As if the first Native American genocide wasn't genocidal enough-- We've just got to keep the poison train coming.
If you live in Flint Michigan and you want a cup of water, you turn on the faucet and out comes a bunch of rust-- and you've got to use a straw to try to suck out a couple of particles of water to try to wet your mouth. I'm sure that's healthy.
We make so much garbage that there's a patch of trash in the middle of the ocean the size of Texas, called the Pacific garbage patch. Think about that. Texas is so big you can fit all of the original United States in it. And there's a mound of human trash the size of that just floating around between Hawaii and Japan--and sometimes it comes to make a little visit by California to visit its relatives in Hollywood.
If you were a dolphin, what do you think to yourself when you see that thing come floating by? Bearing in mind that the average dolphin intellect is higher than that of the average highschooler and those dolphins could probably be making a couple extra bucks finishing your son's SATs if they weren't cursed with flippers and lived in the ocean with a freaking garbage patch the size of Texas chasing them around.
There's garbage particles showing up in the salt now. The garbage patch has been floating around so long that the ocean has been breaking up all the plastic into microscopic pieces that are attaching themselves to the salt in the water. And then when they harvest the ocean for salt, there is plastic in the salt and we put it on dinner.
The ocean is taking care of business. The earth will outlive us. It’s humans that might want to worry. But, personally, I think if we as humans are going to embrace our planet as a planet of trash, we've got to at least stop putting the garbage in the ground and into the water. We should put it on display to reminder ourselves. I think we should go with the pyramid model. We should build them like the Egyptians, and create massive burial chambers out of trash for our loved ones. And then when we're feeling sad and we want to bring them flowers, we're forced to look at all the trash we ever made. That's how I think we should deal with becoming a planet of trash.
I could be wrong. You don't hear anyone talking about any other kind of solutions. Right?