From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Field Trip!
Once a year, when I feel like the rancor between right and left is getting a little too loud, I like to strap on my Billy Bonnet, fill a picnic basket with PBRs and pork rinds, and skip across the daisy pasture to visit the villagers and Russian bots of Rightwingistan in search of comments that aren't dripping with rage and paranoia. Yesterday I spent a couple hours over at that hotbed of hotheads called "Fox News dot com," where the orcs would win all the gold medals if swan diving into the gutter was an Olympic sport. Nevertheless, I did find a few pearls of common ground. These are literally all of them:
Why does Trump continue to say that China is paying the tariffs? Is he stupid or simply trying to fool his supporters?
Wars are fought for various reasons.
Plastic trash is nasty.
We desperately need more effective gun control legislation.
You've sold out your whole family to the grifter in chief, Cruz. What a sorry excuse for a man, let alone a Senator.
Last I looked, the brits can't vote in our elections
Trump is a racist
I know why I exist.
The world has gone mad
You can NEVER get a Republican to say Christian Extremist. Think about it.
Liars hate Truth.
Let's get Mueller on the stand
And this round’s winner:
Great. I've confused Hanson with Nelson and now Spotify thinks I like 90's glam rock.
That was a fun adventure. Nutty, slimy, IQ-lowering, ear-splitting and hair-singeing, yes, but fun. A few more baths in tomato juice and I'll be back to normal.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, May 8, 2019
Note: Hey, wanna become 20 percent sexier in three easy steps? 1) Print out this page, 2) clip out the beauty mark inside these brackets--- [ . ] ---and 3) glue it to your cheek, upper lip, or tuckus. Hello, gorgeous!!!
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the embarrassing European Parliament vote in Britain: 15
Days 'til the Rehoboth Beach VegFest in Delaware: 10
Measles cases in America this week: 764
Percent of Jewish Americans who believe Trump favors Israel too much, according to a new Pew Research survey: 42%
Percent of American evangelicals who believe that: 15%
Percent by which Maine Senator Susan Collins' (R) approval has fallen in the last two years, according to Morning Consult-Politico polling: 27%
Years as of yesterday since Maine's John Baldacci (D) became the first governor in U.S. history to sign a same-sex marriage bill into law: 10
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 179 (including 5 marks of the beast and enough interracial marriage to make your blood boil). Soul Protection Factor 24 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Spring planting interrupted…
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JEERS to the art of the distraction. His claim of 2016 voter fraud by Democrats was bullshit. His claim of "total exoneration" of obstruction in the Mueller Report was bullshit. And now we can report that Trump's claim of being spied on in 2016 by Obama's "deep state" was bullshit, regardless of his attorney general's attempt to catapult the propaganda:
FBI Director Chris Wray said Tuesday that he would not describe the federal government’s surveillance, such as that conducted on President Donald Trump’s 2016 campaign, as “spying,” as Attorney General William Barr has.
During a Senate Appropriations subcommittee hearing, Wray was asked by committee member Sen. Jeanne Shaheen, D-N.H., about Barr’s statement last month that “spying did occur” on the Trump campaign. […]
“I would say that's a no to that question.”
Asked if he had “any evidence that any illegal surveillance” into the Trump 2016 campaign occurred, Wray said he did not.
Said James Comey as he watched Wray testify on his TV: "See ya at the next FBI Directors Thrown Under The Bus Anonymous meeting, kid."
CHEERS to Bill Gates: bubble popper. Over at Gizmodo, Matt Novak notes that the founder of Microsoft is tired of the right's attempt to paint Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's brand of democratic-socialism as some nefarious gateway ideology to communism. So he whipped out his bullhorn on CNBC and used it to stand firmly in AOC's corner:
Gates pointed out that the current surge in pro-socialist rhetoric in the U.S. isn’t really socialism by any strict definition of the word.
The so-called “socialist” policies we’re hearing from politicians like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Bernie Sanders are largely just capitalist policies with a strong social safety net. And that’s okay!
“Socialism used to mean that the state controlled the means of production,” Gates said on CNBC. “And a lot of people who are promoting socialism aren’t using that classic definition. … Most people really aren’t arguing against capitalism. There may be a few, but most people are just saying that the taxes should change.”
Gates told CNBC that he’s in favor of more progressive tax rates on the wealthy and the reinstatement of the estate tax, which was virtually eliminated by President Trump. […] Most left-leaning people (which is to say, most Americans) support politicians who, at the end of the day, are promising to deliver capitalism with a strong social safety net.
Novak's column is, in itself, a strong endorsement of democratic-socialism, and it's a quick read well worth your time. As for Mr. Gates, I appreciate his clear-eyed assessment. But his company yanked Solitaire and Minesweeper off of Windows 10, so I'm afraid we're going to have to penalize him in the afterlife to the cruelest extent possible: by loading his Cloud 9 PC with Windows Vista.
CHEERS to "Give 'Em Hell Harry." And happy 135th birthday to #33, the former haberdasher who said "I felt like the moon, the stars and all the planets had fallen on me" when he became president after FDR died in 1945. Back when he had some shred of relevance, George W. Bush liked to cling to the notion that his legacy would be vindicated over time, as Truman's was. Or perhaps not: when Bush came into office, the country was enjoying virtually unprecedented peace and prosperity and he led us straight into depression and war. Truman's situation was a bit different. From the book Rating the Presidents, in which over 700 historians and political gurus rank Truman #7:
Ahead of him was the task of leading a nation worn out from almost sixteen years of depression and war.
Truman paid heavily for the mood of the people and the troubles of the times. Contemporary opinion polls gave him terrible ratings. He was reviled, the endless butt of jokes like,"To err is Truman."
In later, calmer years historians and political scientists assessing his standing consistently ranked him among America's ten best presidents. Our poll participants give him high rankings in all categories, never dropping him lower than ninth and in the Accomplishments and Crisis Management categories ranked him sixth.
But, golly, it sure sucked when Dewey defeated him. Titter titter.
CHEERS to real "Mission Accomplished" moments. And speaking of Truman, World War II—which got started in 1939 when Mrs. O'Leary's cow kicked a kerosene lantern into Adolf Hitler's crotch (source: Conservapedia)—officially ended in Europe 74 years ago today. Truman famously said: "The flags of freedom fly allover Europe." And the head of the House cafeteria famously said: "Hooray, we can finally change 'freedom veal' back to 'wienerschnitzel.'"
CHEERS to throwing a drowning candidate an anchor. Hawaii congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard, the Jill Stein-like figure of the Democratic 2020 primary field, made news Monday when she was endorsed by ancient libertarian kook Ron Paul. On Russian TV. Golly, if she's not careful this could damage her zero-percent standing in the polls.
JEERS to that nagging itch of futility. Eighteen years ago this week, John Paul II became the first pope to enter a mosque. He called for greater harmony between Christians and Muslims. Gee, that's going swell.
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Ten years ago in C&J: May 8, 2009
JEERS or CHEERS—who the hell knows?—to cryptic report cards. The results of the "stress tests" on 19 major banks are out, and the verdict is unanimous: they're stressing us all out. Please insert 75 billion dollars in the slot and have a nice day. Oh, and here: have a free wall calendar.
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And just one more…
JEERS to the anti-bullying campaign in a box: just add hypocrisy. What do you do if you're the wife of a president who is a serial liar, malignant narcissist bully, white-collar criminal, open racist, alleged rapist, canoodler with domestic terrorists, and subverter of democracy? Of course, you plagiarize an Obama administration pamphlet about supervising your kids' online activity, slap a new name on it, turn it into an anti-bullying campaign, and perfunctorily promote it while pretending you're not married to the nation's most unapologetically worst human being. But, hey, Happy BeBestiversary, or whatever…
Remember, kids: if you really want to be a #BeBest role model, pay close attention to what the First Gaslighter's husband does. And do the exact opposite. You'll be remembered as a freakin' choirboy.
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
Hundreds of former Justice officials assert Bill in Portland Maine would be facing felony charges if he were not splashing in the C&J kiddie pool
---CNN
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