Back in January I attended a workshop on Radical Inclusion, and mentioned it briefly in a TC diary here. From that diary, a reminder (from the facilitator’s website):
Preemptive Radical Inclusion means that we intentionally position ourselves, before we know anything at all about anyone in the room, to presuppose that everyone is already, and always, in the room. We don’t wait for an individual to tell us what they need, and THEN meet their needs, we create experiences that preemptively involve them. The burden is on those in leadership to be aware of the needs of the people we are most likely to miss.
I’ve been trying to live closer to this principle, making sure HOW I live and move in the world makes space for those around me. Tonight, two tales reminding me about Radical Inclusion. Grab a beverage if you’re so inclined, make your way across the Story Break, and see you on the flip side…
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Tale 1:
There is a very popular website geared towards parents of high school/college kids with a Facebook presence that I read occasionally. It’s the usual bunch-of-authors site, so I know that there’s a diversity of experience and interests. Recently there was a post extolling the joys of being a mother to sons. Because I am one of those, I began to read. It was a long list of all the wonderful things about having a son, and it started like this:
Being a mother of sons means that:
You get a glimpse of what the man you made babies with must have looked like before you met him.
The man you made babies with. Umm.
Clearly, this post didn’t apply to me, because the VERY FIRST THING said excluded me as an adoptive mom, and also anyone who wasn’t the biological mother of their son. And so I mentioned in a couple of places that I felt left out. It will not surprise you to know I got mostly “hey don’t take everything you read so personally, not everything is about you.” Had this bullet point been the last one, I probably would have chuckled because by the time I read that point, the author and I would have bonded over dozens of other great things about being a mom to sons. But it wasn’t last, or even comfortably down in the middle of the list. It was FIRST. And I couldn’t get past feeling like this article wasn’t supposed to be for me.
Radical Inclusion would have held a space in the article for adoptive Moms, Moms parenting children from other relationships, those whose kids were created from donor sperm or other methods, etc. It wouldn’t have made us feel uninvited to the Mama-bonding party. All it would have taken was NOT beginning the article with THAT, even though my guess is the author has a wonderful son who looks JUST like her husband did as a child and so it was, for her, the Most Important Point.
For those of you who’ve met my family in person… our eldest (and biological) child looks like us. Really, REALLY looks like us. No one has EVER questioned whether we’re related. And so when my son joined our family, we learned NOT to identify family members by looks, and also not to do so to other people’s families. For almost a decade we’ve tried not to exclude families who don’t all look alike from our discussions of families.
Tale 2:
An experience of Radical Inclusion from long before I knew the term that’s stuck with me for over 20 years… Back in the mid-90s, Mr. Brillig and I went on a weekend training for facilitators of the comprehensive middle school sexuality education curriculum you’ve heard me speak highly of. Our trainer gave us the following guidelines for framing our conversations with those 7th and 8th graders:
In every group of youth you have in class, assume these three things:
1. Someone is gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender or questioning whether they are.
2. Someone has already had sexual intercourse.
3. Someone has been the victim of sexual abuse.
OK everybody, now make sure that you don’t leave anybody out or make anyone feel excluded when you speak.
Oof. Now remembering this was pre-marriage equality times, mentioning marriage left out anyone thinking silently “but I am a guy who likes guys. I ain’t getting married”. Saying “when you are ready for sexual intercourse...” left out that person who already had, and mentioning that one’s first time should be a loving experience could make the kid whose uncle molested them feel like no one will understand THEM.
For two decades, I’ve tried to discuss sexuality without leaving anyone out. I promise, it gets easier with time to be inclusive!
I’d like to close with this question: how can we be radically inclusive in all our places? How do we hold a space for people we may not yet realize are in the room? Can this work in our Democratic big tent? Ponder these thoughts while perusing the inclusive trio of Top Comments, Mojo and Pictures that BeninSC has brought tonight!
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Note: Please remember that comment inclusion in Top Comments does not constitute support or endorsement by diarist, formatter, Top Comments writers or DailyKos. Questions, complaints or comments? Contact brillig.
Highlighted by ann04:
Is this comment by tln41 with some helpful criticisms about how we Democrats are going about the approach to 2020.
Highlighted by roli:
Is this comment by Huskers, channeling Flip Wilson!
Highlighted by lcbo:
Is this short comment by cadam about a Nobel Prize candidate!
TOP MOJO
Top Mojo for yesterday, May 6th, 2019, first comments and tip jars excluded. Thank you mik for the mojo magic! For those of you interested in How Top Mojo Works, please see his diary on FAQing Top Mojo.
TOP PICTURES
Top Pictures for May 7, 2019. Click any picture to be taken to the full comment or picture. Thank you jotter!