Oh my god, was this a ridiculous week. Twitter had plenty of material to work with, and it did not disappoint. Come check out what people have been saying over the last seven days (or if you’re a Republican, have someone read it to you.)
The last two years I feel like weâÂÂve already all been on mushrooms anyways https://t.co/QhVxUE0GSWâ G Michael (@UsVsThemRedux) May 8, 2019
The last two years I feel like weâÂÂve already all been on mushrooms anyways https://t.co/QhVxUE0GSW
There is nothing funnier than the president thinking the Kentucky Derby was decided by political correctness as if a strawman college professor flimflammed their way into being a judge and demanded only a postmodern feminist horse could winâ Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) May 5, 2019
There is nothing funnier than the president thinking the Kentucky Derby was decided by political correctness as if a strawman college professor flimflammed their way into being a judge and demanded only a postmodern feminist horse could win
Why is Trump obsessed with a race where the cheater was disqualified?Oh...right...never mind.https://t.co/vnvlA86QgZâ Tea Pain (@TeaPainUSA) May 5, 2019
Why is Trump obsessed with a race where the cheater was disqualified?Oh...right...never mind.https://t.co/vnvlA86QgZ
90 percent of Republicans would vote Foghorn Leghorn for president. https://t.co/KltG6pvqfTâ Amanda Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) May 5, 2019
90 percent of Republicans would vote Foghorn Leghorn for president. https://t.co/KltG6pvqfT
When Donald Trump finally kicks the bucket, to properly honor him, his tombstone should be full of spelling errorsâ Roland Scahill (@rolandscahill) May 5, 2019
When Donald Trump finally kicks the bucket, to properly honor him, his tombstone should be full of spelling errors
The Watergate hearings. https://t.co/C7gO6ez6Qoâ Jeet Heer (@HeerJeet) May 6, 2019
The Watergate hearings. https://t.co/C7gO6ez6Qo
"Why haven't I ever had a job my Dad didn't get me? Who asked me that? Wait, are you one of my children? Which one? What did we say about not asking Mommy trick questions before she's had her collagen smoothie? Who let you into my home salon? You want breakfast? Why?" pic.twitter.com/qvQB9iegQbâ Paul Rudnick (@PaulRudnickNY) May 6, 2019
"Why haven't I ever had a job my Dad didn't get me? Who asked me that? Wait, are you one of my children? Which one? What did we say about not asking Mommy trick questions before she's had her collagen smoothie? Who let you into my home salon? You want breakfast? Why?" pic.twitter.com/qvQB9iegQb
Either IâÂÂm watching too much news or this catâÂÂs really starting to look like William Barr pic.twitter.com/8zbdpq0QT6â John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) May 6, 2019
Either IâÂÂm watching too much news or this catâÂÂs really starting to look like William Barr pic.twitter.com/8zbdpq0QT6
Marie Connor says there should have been a law preventing Florida from shipping its toxic waste out of state. https://t.co/X7B1kPCZ6iâ Marie Connor (@thistallawkgirl) May 6, 2019
Marie Connor says there should have been a law preventing Florida from shipping its toxic waste out of state. https://t.co/X7B1kPCZ6i
Damn my autocorrect!Every time I try to spell Steve Mnuchin it defaults back to âÂÂHe should be in jail.âÂÂAnyone else having this problem?â YS (@NYinLA2121) May 6, 2019
Damn my autocorrect!Every time I try to spell Steve Mnuchin it defaults back to âÂÂHe should be in jail.âÂÂAnyone else having this problem?
Live view of the GOP driving around pretending nothing is wrong. pic.twitter.com/cQoXsG1tCbâ MommaT (@tweetmommybop) May 7, 2019
Live view of the GOP driving around pretending nothing is wrong. pic.twitter.com/cQoXsG1tCb
Finally, masculine water for men https://t.co/40afoLxxsCâ Laura Bassett (@LEBassett) May 7, 2019
Finally, masculine water for men https://t.co/40afoLxxsC
Calling Donald Trump a âÂÂbusinessmanâ is like calling Dr. Pepper a âÂÂcardiologistâÂÂ.â Mark Schweitzer (@MarkSchweitzer) May 8, 2019
Calling Donald Trump a âÂÂbusinessmanâ is like calling Dr. Pepper a âÂÂcardiologistâÂÂ.
Personally losing a billion dollars in the 1980s while NOT being a cokehead seems baffling to meâ Ken Reid (@KennethWReid) May 8, 2019
Personally losing a billion dollars in the 1980s while NOT being a cokehead seems baffling to me
Loser says what? https://t.co/5gMd1H5YIVâ The Rude Pundit (@rudepundit) May 8, 2019
Loser says what? https://t.co/5gMd1H5YIV
99% of the men making laws restricting women's reproductive health have never located the clitoris. the other 1% did it accidentally, and they're still traumatized by itâ Erin she-lectability Ryan (@morninggloria) May 8, 2019
99% of the men making laws restricting women's reproductive health have never located the clitoris. the other 1% did it accidentally, and they're still traumatized by it
When a man says "Actually, erectile dysfunction is a medical condition. Pregnancy isn't." that's called dicktating.â The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) May 8, 2019
When a man says "Actually, erectile dysfunction is a medical condition. Pregnancy isn't." that's called dicktating.
My questions for Donald Trump Jr. when in front of the Senate Intel Committee...âÂÂWhy are you such a fucking dumbass?âÂÂâÂÂI yield the rest of my time to Sen. Harris.âÂÂâ Tony Posnanski (@tonyposnanski) May 8, 2019
My questions for Donald Trump Jr. when in front of the Senate Intel Committee...âÂÂWhy are you such a fucking dumbass?âÂÂâÂÂI yield the rest of my time to Sen. Harris.âÂÂ
To the half of white Republicans polled, who say it would bother them some or a lot to hear a foreign language spoken in a public place, IâÂÂm truly very sorry that ãÂÂãªãÂÂã¯ç¡çÂ¥ã .â George Takei (@GeorgeTakei) May 9, 2019
To the half of white Republicans polled, who say it would bother them some or a lot to hear a foreign language spoken in a public place, IâÂÂm truly very sorry that ãÂÂãªãÂÂã¯ç¡çÂ¥ã .
Hi, 9/11, please turn on the C-SPAN. https://t.co/QQndG9MGxXâ LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) May 9, 2019
Hi, 9/11, please turn on the C-SPAN. https://t.co/QQndG9MGxX
A Trump rally is like an overflowing toilet, but with cheering.â Middle Age Riot (@middleageriot) May 9, 2019
A Trump rally is like an overflowing toilet, but with cheering.
The only thing easier to buy in America than a gun is a Republican.â Travis Allen ðºð¸ (@TravisAllen02) May 9, 2019
The only thing easier to buy in America than a gun is a Republican.
What is your favorite name for trump? Mine is Fat Nixonâ Mayday Mindy ð (@maydaymindy9) May 7, 2019
What is your favorite name for trump? Mine is Fat Nixon
I'm partial to:Corrosive Meat-GoblinTruculent Pus ClusterSilvio Berlus-combover-yThat Infected Yak PolypPutin's Petulant Prison PunkGrift-weaselMalignant Yeast FungusA less-moral, less-honest, less-healthy, less-likable NixonMendacious Orc StoolThat Over-saturated Knob https://t.co/kBlzpNmuNFâ John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) May 9, 2019
I'm partial to:Corrosive Meat-GoblinTruculent Pus ClusterSilvio Berlus-combover-yThat Infected Yak PolypPutin's Petulant Prison PunkGrift-weaselMalignant Yeast FungusA less-moral, less-honest, less-healthy, less-likable NixonMendacious Orc StoolThat Over-saturated Knob https://t.co/kBlzpNmuNF
I'm most partial to Spanky McDumbass & the Tangerine Wankmaggot.â KhashoggiâÂÂs Ghost (@UROCKlive1) May 7, 2019
I'm most partial to Spanky McDumbass & the Tangerine Wankmaggot.
President Whoreboy McSpankmehardâ SnitFit (@Snit_Fit) May 7, 2019
President Whoreboy McSpankmehard
If embryos are people, ultrasounds are child pornographyâ Megan Amram (@meganamram) May 10, 2019
If embryos are people, ultrasounds are child pornography
Another reminder to be cautious when you Tweet. If someone is accused of behavior that can't be verified, always use the word "alleged."For example: "Alleged Representative @mattgaetz is a sloppy drunk."â Jerry (@js_edit) May 9, 2019
Another reminder to be cautious when you Tweet. If someone is accused of behavior that can't be verified, always use the word "alleged."For example: "Alleged Representative @mattgaetz is a sloppy drunk."
There is a 99% chance that when Trump fires John Bolton heâÂÂll call him Michael Boltonâ pixelatedboat aka âÂÂmr tweetsâ (@pixelatedboat) May 9, 2019
There is a 99% chance that when Trump fires John Bolton heâÂÂll call him Michael Bolton
Ben Shapiro taking on the BBC like pic.twitter.com/UvVLtj4Vnlâ shauna (@goldengateblond) May 10, 2019
Ben Shapiro taking on the BBC like pic.twitter.com/UvVLtj4Vnl
[interview]BEN SHAPIRO: that's it, I'm leavingANDREW NEIL: okayBS:AN:BS:AN:BS:AN:BS:AN:BS:AN:BS: [whispers] can you help me unbuckle my booster seat https://t.co/EI5cMSqOOoâ Born Miserable (@bornmiserable) May 10, 2019
[interview]BEN SHAPIRO: that's it, I'm leavingANDREW NEIL: okayBS:AN:BS:AN:BS:AN:BS:AN:BS:AN:BS: [whispers] can you help me unbuckle my booster seat https://t.co/EI5cMSqOOo
Ben Shapiro always sounds like heâÂÂs shouting as heâÂÂs floating away from the kids who tied him to a bunch of giant balloonsâ Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) May 11, 2019
Ben Shapiro always sounds like heâÂÂs shouting as heâÂÂs floating away from the kids who tied him to a bunch of giant balloons
Sometimes I think about just what exactly Sarah Palin must have done to be considered unqualified to serve in the Trump administration.â Susan J. Demas ð (@sjdemas) May 10, 2019
Sometimes I think about just what exactly Sarah Palin must have done to be considered unqualified to serve in the Trump administration.
Trump tweeted 9 times this morning about Tariffs.Look, IâÂÂm really busy and donâÂÂt have time to dissect the accuracy of these idiotic tweets.Lindsey, did you read them? In 2 seconds or less what are your thoughts on these Tariffs? pic.twitter.com/dHDKzfZDKUâ YS (@NYinLA2121) May 10, 2019
Trump tweeted 9 times this morning about Tariffs.Look, IâÂÂm really busy and donâÂÂt have time to dissect the accuracy of these idiotic tweets.Lindsey, did you read them? In 2 seconds or less what are your thoughts on these Tariffs? pic.twitter.com/dHDKzfZDKU
Trump: âÂÂPete Buttigieg is Alfred E. Newman!!âÂÂMe: âÂÂYou might not want to do a google image search of âÂÂMad Magazine TrumpâÂÂ.âÂÂð§ pic.twitter.com/SPoO1VpiIhâ Santa Claus, CEO (@SantaInc) May 11, 2019
Trump: âÂÂPete Buttigieg is Alfred E. Newman!!âÂÂMe: âÂÂYou might not want to do a google image search of âÂÂMad Magazine TrumpâÂÂ.âÂÂð§ pic.twitter.com/SPoO1VpiIh
The impressive thing about Mayor Pete is that he hasn't heard of Alfred E. Neuman in several languages. https://t.co/0hVfeVBQHBâ Frank Conniff (@FrankConniff) May 11, 2019
The impressive thing about Mayor Pete is that he hasn't heard of Alfred E. Neuman in several languages. https://t.co/0hVfeVBQHB
What a fancy boy https://t.co/TbHTKZalJrâ Erin world cup series Ryan (@morninggloria) May 11, 2019
What a fancy boy https://t.co/TbHTKZalJr
Ladies and Gentlemen: The saddest and funniest testament to American bigotry we've ever seen in our data. pic.twitter.com/Bh3FBsl8sRâ John Dick (@jdcivicscience) May 11, 2019
Ladies and Gentlemen: The saddest and funniest testament to American bigotry we've ever seen in our data. pic.twitter.com/Bh3FBsl8sR
The pose weâÂÂve been waiting for. pic.twitter.com/5lJnQydC4dâ Schooley (@Rschooley) May 7, 2019
The pose weâÂÂve been waiting for. pic.twitter.com/5lJnQydC4d