In that minuscule air space between a slug’s desiccated slime trail and the concrete curb it crossed to get to the other side, scientists from Johns Hopkins have discovered the stunted remains of the intellect of Donald tRump. tRump apparently lost his mind when he tripped on the curb and it flew out between his flapping gums. The slug found no nourishment and moved on. We are still awaiting results from carbon dating analysis to determine just how long ago this happened.
Other research by the linguistics department at NYU indicate that tRump’s mental decline dates to the 1980’s as he morphed from being a callous boor into a raving nincompoop. We are quite confident that tRump’s mindlessness is a function of a barely functioning brain and are anxious to see if we can describe how he got to be so damn unfit.
Over the years, many researchers have speculated on just why tRump is such a pitiful excuse for a human being. The most popular explanations to date are:
- He was born that way.
- Because of his appalling study habits and notoriously short attention span, he has mastered the field of Natural Stupidity.
- Someone must have smacked the smart out of that boy a long time ago.
- Putin injected him with something while adding the remote controls and it made him into a pickled beet as far as his IQ level.
- A severe case of laryngitis made him unable to spout his normal amount of BS for several days. The backed up crap rotted out his brain.
- His parents gave him a lead weight as a pacifier, and he developed a lifelong taste for it.
While there is probably some degree of truth in all those theories, the newest evidence points to him being a clumsy fool and tripping while bleating. tRump has never been accused of being tightly tethered to rationality. Any self respecting intellect would take the first opportunity to flee, even if it meant near certain annihilation. Unfortunately for all of us, that left a mentally incompetent dullard around for the republican party to worship and idolize. He is, after all, their ideal candidate.
- He has the charisma of a backed up toilet.
- He has the wisdom of a bleach drinking Fox viewer.
- He has the concern for life of a Category Four tornado.
- He has the compassion of the doorman to a gas chamber.
- He has the honesty of a tRump.
- He has the moral core of a serial killer.
- He has the spirituality of a wet fart.
He is a perfect republican, bereft of values, principles, intelligence and vision. It’s what they’ve been working towards for the last 60 years.
Editorial cartoons are on hiatus while some critical communications occur in the background.
niftywriter put together a nifty roundup today. Lot’s of depth and breadth: Keep Calm and Carry On - April 28 Good News Roundup
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